Salt M. Bank

Me: Our dog's farts are vile. Let's weaponize them. *2 wks later* FBI: We traced the gas to you. Where's your lab? M: He's a Boston Terrier!

@kapitanbridget @ProudBulba Fire works.

@kajillion123 @briangaar WHAT

Jerry Seinfeld dated a high school student when he was 39

Look what my friend did - the absolute legend

@dontrdcomments i’m feelin this but calling the episodes eps is pretty out there

NEW “EP” (EPISODE)!! @micktglenn and Daniel join forces once again to review YouTube comments on alcohol review videos. Check out a preview below! #threehandbrew #notbombaysapphire #biglike1 iTunes: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/don… Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/5B0N0PpzD…

@TheMattDWilson the feeling of my satisfaction with these unlikely faithful ditko adaptations is competing with my impatience to see even more live action ditkos

Enjoyed the new Toy Story movie but was once again disturbed that Pixar is so masterfully adept at manipulating audiences into becoming emotionally invested in sentient toys

@miniAOCofficial this is one of the weirdest ways to spend time with your child

@PhillyInquirer Hey, PI, it’s time to shut the fuck up.

Hey, grownups, it’s time to lose the backpack | Opinion trib.al/faujcVB

@HansSmit2 @MrAndyNgo

In the ER.

@ParkerMolloy @MrAndyNgo it was good actually

@JackPosobiec lol @JackPosobiec you’re a fuckin doofus

Pretty awful that the right would make a joke of visiting a child CBP camp - but fitting, given that they don’t seem to care one shred about other people’s lives. PS That watch belonged to my dad. It was the last & only possession he left me. I wear it to mark important moments.

@Notintheface1 damn i’m remembering this bad movie a unfairly better than it was. I has misconstrued the memory as John having a fuckin incurable disease.

@HamiltonsMayor maybe don’t enable nazis next time bro

This morning, my family and I were awoken to over 20 agitators at my home, yelling profanities, leaving signs on my lawn and banging on my door. This is absolutely unacceptable. Harassment of my family, my neighbours or anyone is crossing the line. Police are investigating.

@Copacabral21 oh cool oh cool you gonna publish yours too ?

My dog and I are both deaf so I try to teach her tricks in sign. I sign “nice to meet you” and then we shake paws