gene🅱️ie🅱️e

The sexual tension between my car and the Hyundai that had their FM Bluetooth converter set to the same station as me so every time we got to close to each other our music started overlapping...

It's just me and the same five stories that weren't funny or interesting to anyone else the first time against the world

I think my perfect career would be the child from Omelas because I already spend all my time suffering alone in my room. Imagine if other people could benefit from that

she's really been on a roll lately with sending me the funniest texts i've ever received

last night my mom tried to speak to her voice to text in french and it went really well

@fern0logy nah i get it i give myself the ick everytime i ask for a gluten free bun on my burger at culver's

am i ableist for having food allergies be an ick

i love playing the victim about my insomnia like i'm not sitting in my bed right now watching pit maneuver compilations on youtube at 2:41am with the lights on

@the_snomumm SPOTTED COW MENTIONED🤩🤩🤩

@eldritch_be1ng Mouth drooling looking up Madison beer

man in his 30s sitting next to me on the flight spent half the time googling pictures of madison beer and zooming in on them and the other half looking over paperwork for participants in a drug study. ur in the wrong kinda study bro they should be dissecting your brain!!!

@the_snomumm obsessed with this interpretation but sadly i mean he was looking up pictures of madison beer the woman and being a freak about it😔

@eldritch_be1ng Wisconsin is a beautiful place where ale flows like water…

@boobpilot 4) kill him

Sonya Massey should be alive today.

@hesitxntaliens literally just got off a united flight less than 30 minutes ago that's crazy!! ngl i spent the whole flight watching five episodes of south park

really insane line up of in flight movies from United rn

they uncovered a mass grave in Gaza where children had their hands zip tied before being executed so naturally our entire media machine is working overdrive to make this all about campus protests

If I lived in Omelas I would start doing land acknowledgments about the kid

i'm probably nonbinary but i DON'T have a job so instead of not really caring rn i'm growing more and more certain by the second that if i don't magically transform into looking exactly like sick boy from trainspotting within the next 24 hours i'm gonna explode

@okcupid_uni you are so fucking iconic for continuing to beef with scott walker into 2024. the rest of us should really be doing the same

maybe if you weren’t 34 credits short of finishing your marquette degree you would know about the “science” 💀💀💀

@dilfphd @dadboddyke thank you! i put a lot of effort into accurately capturing the moment as it left an indelible mark on my psyche

@dadboddyke it wasn't on 4/20 but when i worked for eatstreet i once delivered chinese food to a house one block away from the restaurant the order came from, into the awaiting yet fearful arms of someone who was just high enough to be terrified of everything and everyone in the world