Miranda D González

watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would is one of life’s greatest challenges

IF YOU’RE ONLINE TO WORRY, STAY ONLINE

Did we do it, did we save the daylight

I hope this email kills us both

My wife: "Do you even like writing?" Me: "I like having written."

I could go to an (American) football game every Friday night for the rest of my life and I would STILL not understand all the rules.

I’m a go-with-the-flow person as long as the flow has been planned at least 3 days in advance

being a moderator is a crazy job, just sitting and listening for a full minute and saying "thank you, but nobody is eating dogs"

why is the debate at night time. let’s get this thing started at 4pm. i don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

have never felt deeper parasocial betrayal than dave grohl cheating on his wife

Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

People will never know how much this commercial influenced our conversations in middle school

Does anyone else have a trigger word that makes them completely disregard a persons opinion if they hear it? Mine is “wellness”

growing up there was a cody in every elementary school class but as an adult i haven’t met a cody in years. where did they go

Peacock deserves all their flowers for making the Olympics the most accessible its ever been, you were able to tune into some sports you never watched before with no problems lol

If you ever see a 𝐿𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝐿𝑎𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒 sign in my house, I've been taken hostage and am signaling for help

Me: I need 3 screws Hardware Store: HERE IS A PACK OF 50. KEEP THEM IN A DRAWER UNTIL YOU DIE.

I wasn’t built from millions of years of stardust to deal with this shit

me when I have shaved my legs: I adore to have smooth legs, like a baby dolphin me when I have not had time to shave my legs: actually removing body hair is a tool of the patriarchy and I won’t be complicit this time round