MJ

sometimes you just have to face claustrophobia head on

@DrewVento s tier - fitness people who do drugs

Ranking different groups of white people: A tier - Drug doers B tier - Fitness people, Nerds, Alternatives C tier - Anime fans, Artists, Drug Dealers, Academics D tier - Sports fans, Children, Animal lovers F tier - Swifties, Disney adults, Tech enthusiasts, Influencers, The Elderly

@cryingischic i had to do this for nasa administrators :)

[sighs wistfully] I wish some boomer would just pay me six figures to convert Word documents to PDF

@antibearthesis he’s cooked

My older brother is 28. He has: • $0 invested • $35k in savings • $10k car loan • No other debt He thinks he’s behind financially. What would you tell him?

@damintoell @3YearLetterman banger

@3YearLetterman I didn’t even know Libs of TikTok got married

What a time to be alive

you can just tell his microbiome sucks

@im_REFarted 😭😭😭😭😭

JPM security opening the women’s bathroom

@CartoonsHateHer wet seal 😭😭😭😭

Then, major pivot, started wearing nightwear clothes to work because I realized this was silly but couldn't afford to buy more clothes that weren't Wet Seal

My first job out of college was a $15/hr contract role as some variation of "content moderator" at a tech company and I showed up on day 1 wearing this

@3YearLetterman they’ll be quaking in their boots

@morganisawizard Just tell them you know a licensed notary public

GUYS

@RedEngines FIRING SQUAD

@morganisawizard ma’am this is a shoplifting case

@cryingischic okay wait wtf J also got one… is something messed up? 😂

@morganisawizard wait i got one too 😂 can we sit together

@farmboy8655 yeah sounds like a good way to get hit with contempt of court 😂

@morganisawizard Although to be fair, don't just bring it up during the interview. If it's a case where nullification is needed, you WANT to be on that jury. Not struck from it.

@broseidon1992 eyes on the prize eyes on the prize

@morganisawizard You've trained for this

@AusBenJon so true king

@shagbark_hick Consider: if your parents are picking your spouse, they’re probably picking from a family with the same morals, values, etc. as you. And your parents love you, so they’re probably picking someone they think you’d like. So it’s already likely you’d be highly compatible with them.

I'm not actually sure if I buy this line of thinking. Years ago, my mother used to spend a lot of time with Nepalese and Karen Thai refugees, who practiced arranged marriage. My mom asked them: "isn't that awful? Don't you want to marry for love?" They said that marrying for love seemed stupid to them, because the particular feeling of love you get at the beginning dissipates quickly. They said they suspected that's why Americans were always getting divorced; because they had expected an endless fairy tale. And they explained that in an arranged marriage, both parties just make the best of it at first, they may or may not be "compatible" or "in love," but that over time, the kind of commitment this type of marriage requires leads them to fall into a deeper, quieter, more enduring kind of love that sustains them across all of their life. So my mother used to tell me that who you marry shouldn't matter so much; it is about how you both approach the idea of marriage more than anything. And I think this is probably right. Refuse divorce at all costs; insist on deepening the connection, shape each other over time, and you will develop a symbiosis so deep it is unbreakable and un-changed by the vicissitudes of sentiment or "compatibility."

@CarolynGorman_ @bariweiss ambiguous gang checking in

I vibecoded an interactive matrix for mapping examples onto the spectrum of girlboss & tradwife. Because we are all losing our minds over this and both these concepts are caricatures. Input your info and see: are you a trad girlboss or girlboss or trad? Whats @bariweiss?

@RedGreenBC so true

Nothing like that feeling when you're blitzed but give yourself a Mission and feel like you're floating through the room at high speed

hiking and freeing myself from the clutches of Big Water

@3YearLetterman @jarvis_best @strallweat listen i know what’s up

@jarvis_best @strallweat Is that @morganisawizard

Who is this hero?