muhqet

Living with your parents at 23 is an infinite money glitch which is great until youre trying to have sex

Portal potties scare me bro

@abbiesdelusions @gofrickurself Shut up retard

@gofrickurself the year i finally was diagnosed with a learning disability (that was proven to be seen in childhood mind you) i was a freshmen in highschool and they didnt have special ed classes. i felt so hopeless😭😭

I think I just saw a photon

When you #Excel they #Spreadsheet about You

better to ejaculate than ejacunever

@birdbath Bro what😂😂😭😭

Took shrooms today. Went to the park, I thought some young woman shouted my name but she was just calling for her dog. Took me an hour to stop envisioning our life together where I hump her leg and sleep at the foot of her bed. I knew the shrooms were hitting cuz usually I'd be stuck on that thought for days on end. Then I went on a drive and got stuck behind a car with a "STUDENT DRIVER" sticker on the back. It was going slow as shit and I was riding its ass, I could see it was a teenage girl with her dad in the passenger seat. I had nowhere to be whatsoever so I'm not sure why I was so angry that I was yelling, maybe it's because I'm not allowed to see my daughter and in this moment of heightened consciousness I wanted them to pull over so I could imbue my fatherly wisdom unto her that's been pent up all these years. I guess I'd tell her I'm sorry, and that daddy has a problem. But it's not really his fault, it's not the Mexicans who took his job either, or the jews who imported him. There exists a covert ecology of non-human sentience which interacts with our cognition, persuading us to drink excessively and neglect our loved ones. And then I'd make a sexual advance towards Mommy which would be met with repulsion, and I'd smile, reminiscing on that one fateful night where my inebriated charm was sufficient to seduce her. Now look at your stepdad, see how he's bald and I'm not? That's because daddy's not a cuck. I still get sad when I look at my phone but that's because I strongly identified with Infinite Jest, not because I don't have hoes I can call.

a gamer?? and a girl??? oh my god, magnitude 9 fapquake incoming!!!

@niekk_o Faggots are faggots nick mercs is tha goat yall soft

Just remember, Nick Mercs has openly hated the LGBTQ+ and used whistle blowing tactics to make them look like sexual predators. Your favorite creator shouldn’t be friends OR mutuals with this man. Unless they’re like minded…

@HYPERMYSTx This is such a brain dead change to the ranked system. I understand not letting preds and masters from stacking but diamonds bro😭😂 the only people that like this change are hardstuck d4 with no friends and they think this will somehow help them

Diamond, Masters, and Apex Predator players can now only solo queue in Apex Legends ‼️

of course i cum fast, we’re fucking on stolen land

eventually there will be an infant capable of handling 115° car interior we just have to keep trying

also mandela effect is wild i swear i had more hoes than this

People pleasing elephant: I can leave the room if you want it’s no problem for me

I say the n word because my white soul feels black sometimes

Juice taste better when you stand there and drink it with the refrigerator door open

no babe you don’t understand my self worth IS tied to my rank in this video game

You’re not ugly bro you’re just niche faps

hentaivirus? yea I got one of them on my parents computer before

scratching a bug bite is like evil masturbation