Bohemian Rhaptitties

Strip poker but instead of poker it's pizza and instead of stripping we just eat pizza.

You’re in New York City for 24 hours. Where do you eat?

My balls are jingling.

I deleted that tweet cuz I don't wanna make your boyfriend cry again

People should come with mute buttons.

I have decided to take the higher road. By being high. I dunno go suck a dick about it.

Boyfriend reveal: it’s me, I’m your boyfriend. You’re welcome.

Gaslighting the waitress for more garlic bread

It is absolutely astounding to see how upset grown ass men get when they are losing to a woman in fantasy football. Anyways, you'll never guess who is at the top of the league.

Never underestimate the healing power of pizza.

let’s be real the best invention of the last five years is not chatgpt. it’s nerds gummy clusters

excuse me, i heard you breathing and i wrote a poem about it

You’re laughing, rapture is tomorrow and you’re laughing

Can the people that believe rapture is happening tomorrow send me all their money?

I need time in the mountains, close to the earth.

Pardon me while I sip on my very reasonably sized cold brew this morning

Them: "you're really weird" Me: "aww thanks, you're awesome too"

I fall in love with people who speak like books..

I am a slut for honesty