Tyler
1.1K posts
🔥🚨BREAKING: Florida Governor candidate James Fishback’s attorney just quit due to James refusing to pay him the $150,000 he owes after he lost his arbitration fight.
I would like to offer to pay the salaries of TSA personnel during this funding impasse that is negatively affecting the lives of so many Americans at airports throughout the country
Do yourself a fucking favor. Go down to the store and find an artichoke in the produce section. Look for a big softball sized one with tight leaves. It shouldn’t be brown, but if it has some little streaks in it, that’s fine. Also make sure to buy a medium sized lemon, a head of garlic, extra virgin olive oil and some quality salted butter. Set your oven to 375 degrees. Cut off the top 1/4 of the artichoke and cut the lemon in half. Grab a pretty big piece of tinfoil and place the artichoke in the middle. Peel about 6 cloves of garlic and shove the cloves into the spaces between the petals of your soon to be masterpiece. Pour about 3 tablespoons of olive oil over the artichoke. Take one half of the lemon and place it on top of the artichoke, cut side down. Wrap up this present to yourself tightly and put it in the oven on a baking sheet. Don’t worry about waiting til the preheating light goes off. Only god can judge you anyway. You’re going to have to wait about 45 minutes til this sucker is done. Take this time to reflect on friends who have visited you from out of town this year and the good TV shows you watched or songs you listened to recently. Think about how obviously you should work out more and drink less, but forgive yourself that you will probably never really change. Think about the celebrity chef who just killed himself and how it’s dumb, but you feel like you lost a friend. Let yourself cry a little bit while you grab a bowl, place it on top of the warm oven and put as much butter as you want to eat in it - probably about 2 tablespoons. The heat from the oven will slowly melt the butter while you mill about in the kitchen, putting things away but refusing to do the dishes. Check on the artichoke: grab a leaf and pull gently. If it yields easily, you are ready for the final steps. Take the cooked lemon and scoop out the insides into your bowl of butter. The heat from the juice will finish the butter melting process. Remove the soft garlic cloves from the artichoke and smoosh them into a paste with a fork and mix it in to the butter along with the olive oil in the bottom of the tinfoil. Add a squeeze of fresh lemon and some salt. Take the artichoke out of the tinfoil and make a little boat from the foil. Now you can eat! Don’t bother sitting down - enjoy this little piece of heaven standing up in the kitchen by yourself. Use the leaves to shovel the lemon garlic butter into your face and bite down to scrape the artichoke meat from each perfectly roasted leaf - discarding the shells into the foil boat you crafted only a moment ago. Close your eyes while you eat. Enjoy each scrumptious bite until the last taste of the smooth and flavorful heart. You work really hard to get to the life you want so you deserve a nice moment alone. Don’t forget to say thanks for doing yourself a fucking favor for once and roasting a goddamn artichoke.
