matcha's dad

A cat enjoying the aquarium at night.

BREAKING: Jeff Bezos's AI lab 'Project Prometheus' eyes London, Kings Cross for new office. Project Prometheus is discussing signing a lease at the Jellicoe Building for three floors spanning 38,000 sq ft.

having guy friends is crazy cuz you could be complaining about the bureaucracy that stands in the way of getting that forbidden fruit and then boom, 10 minutes later they have it delivered at your doorstep

"the communist raised how many millions in venture funding!??"

Diner waitress this morning (breasts erupting from her top) was acutely aware of my hangover. Said something to me about looking rough and smiled. Healthy canines. Couldn’t be a day over nineteen. I smile back. She laughs playfully. I’m on the verge of a complete mental breakdown. I know what you’re doing bitch. You want to exploit my obvious romantic feelings for you to secure a large tip. Not going to happen. I lift the menu to my face to block her from view. Can’t you see I’m suffering? She asks what I’m ordering. I motion my arms dramatically in the shape of a very very voluptuous woman’s outline and start violently thrusting and making monkey noises while maintaining eye contact. “Medium rare?” she clarifies. I stand up and put her hair behind her ear and gently kiss her trapezius. I can smell last nights perfume on her soft and sexually legal skin. I return to my seat. Has she received my message? “Steak and eggs with chimichurri” she writes on her notepad. I intentionally drop my fork on the floor. When she crouches down to retrieve it I make my move. I dive into her center of gravity and the two of us come crashing to the ground just as the 7.62x54mmR round fired by the hired assassin explodes through the window and obliterates the wall where her head was only moments ago. “We’re pulling you from the operation” I tell her while using the fork as a mirror to locate the sniper. Third floor. She can no longer contain herself and begins kissing me right there on the dirty tile. I orgasm immediately and throw her off me. The eggs are served scrambled instead of sunny side up and I write my number on the napkin before returning home to my dark apartment to watch Rocket League tutorials. The most awful day of my life and nobody even cares. $11 tip

Diner waitress this morning (breasts erupting from her top) was acutely aware of my hangover. Said something to me about looking rough and smiled. Healthy canines. Couldn’t be a day over nineteen. I smile back. She laughs playfully. I’m on the verge of a complete mental breakdown. I know what you’re doing bitch. You want to exploit my obvious romantic feelings for you to secure a large tip. Not going to happen. I lift the menu to my face to block her from view. Can’t you see I’m suffering? She asks what I’m ordering. I motion my arms dramatically in the shape of a very very voluptuous woman’s outline and start violently thrusting and making monkey noises while maintaining eye contact. “Medium rare?” she clarifies. I stand up and put her hair behind her ear and gently kiss her trapezius. I can smell last nights perfume on her soft and sexually legal skin. I return to my seat. Has she received my message? “Steak and eggs with chimichurri” she writes on her notepad. I intentionally drop my fork on the floor. When she crouches down to retrieve it I make my move. I dive into her center of gravity and the two of us come crashing to the ground just as the 7.62x54mmR round fired by the hired assassin explodes through the window and obliterates the wall where her head was only moments ago. “We’re pulling you from the operation” I tell her while using the fork as a mirror to locate the sniper. Third floor. She can no longer contain herself and begins kissing me right there on the dirty tile. I orgasm immediately and throw her off me. The eggs are served scrambled instead of sunny side up and I write my number on the napkin before returning home to my dark apartment to watch Rocket League tutorials. The most awful day of my life and nobody even cares. $11 tip