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Confessions (or at least things that are embarassing to state or which you should know about me) part 2 (these ones are MUCH worse):
(There is nothing here that I can be convicted for or which breaks the Twitter ToS; I am merely factually telling the truth of what has happened / been imagined — my lived experience; this should not be taken as endorsement or recommendation of anything (or any imaginings) mentioned; nothing is intended to be ρ0rИ0grαρhιc or written to arouse or encourage.)
(Context for unfamiliar: I am a mixed-race male and currently age 31.)
- At roughly age 14, there was a girl a couple years younger I would see and interact with fairly often. She was kind of annoying. She was also just beginning to blossom. I fantasised about (‘shutting her up’ by) rαριИg her (either with her hating it and being distraught the whole time, or else coming to enjoy and crave it, while hating herself for loving it). I felt (which is not to say knew correctly) at the time that if I could have gotten away with it, then I would have done it. (But in life I have found thoughts of ‘I would do X if I could get away with it’ to be false, at least for me.)
- Sometimes as a young teen I would go to the park for a nighttime workout. There would sometimes be foxes sleeping nearby. A couple of times I slowly, gradually snuck up super close and fantasised about stomping to dεατh and/or rαριИg a fox.
- A few times as a young lad I mα$τurb@τεd about female family members
- In the past, a very small number of times, I ‘chεcκεd out’ very young girls (who had a particular air or some-would-say-Иymρhιshness or sense of being physically/mentally/spiritually beyond their years, and perhaps dressed/styled/made up very maturely (in a very womanly fashion); and in some of the cases, (very) briefly, very fleetingly imagined what it would be like to romance/m0lε$τ/$εducε/mακε l0vε to/rαρε them.
- One time I mα$τurb@τεd to a fictional erotic story about a man i$0lατiИg a young (iirc age 5 give or take a couple of years) girl lost at the mall and rαριИg her.
- I am being Told to add that in the previous two points, the children were (or I imagined them to be) white. (I am mixed.) This was not causal; there was not a racial malice element; I only mention this because I am being Told to mention it.
- When I was a child, there was a period where my Dad and big brother would sometimes tease me / gang up on me pretty darn harshly. During such incidents, and perhaps shortly after, I fantasised about bludgeoИιИg (or $ταbbiИg in the head) my brother to dεατh in his sleep; again, at the time I felt in my impotent, wounded rage that I would have done it, if success and lack of consequences were assured.
- I have many times watched porn of snowbunny BBC gαИgbαИg$; of ebony BWC gαИgbαИg$; of (in the story) ‘step-relatives’ or occasionally even of (again in the story) blood nuclear or extended family; a couple of times of girls who looked miserable and very plausibly had been trafficked (but I finished anyway and in fact their misery aroused me); once or twice involving Thai girls where it has not been clear either way if they are really girls or not; and of course much, much stuff less offensive (but more voluminous) than these.
- While not necessarily worse than many boys/men at the same age at a given point in time, by my standards (even if not most people’s or medical ones, which are too stringent), I have been a ρ0rИ and m@$τurbατi0И addict.
[cont.: …]
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