Ole Lehmann@itsolelehmann
everyone told me having a kid would slow me down
but my son is 9 months old now and i feel like my life just started
this is my first time reflecting on it publicly. here's everything i've learned so far:
1. everything before feels like a prequel of a movie. like i was living in a draft version of my own life and didn't know it
2. my bullshit detector went through the roof. if something doesn't get me closer to where i want to be or it cuts into time with my son, i just don't do it. zero hesitation
3. i used to spend so much time circling around my own thoughts. overthinking, optimizing, generally self-obsessed. having a kid quietly turns that off. people say you lose yourself when you have a kid. i think that's actually the point
4. being present becomes easy. with a kid you have to be. you can't get sucked into your phone. just sitting on the floor playing and laughing is honestly like a spiritual practice
5. your relationship with your parents changes overnight. you see them as equals for the first time. you realize they were your age or younger doing the exact same thing. suddenly you understand how much they sacrificed and any bad blood just gets a new reference point
6. watching my girlfriend become a mother is one of the most beautiful things i've seen. she wanted this earlier than me. now i feel like a complete idiot for ever doubting it
7. birth and postpartum were scary. she dealt with hormonal depression and it took a while to recover. she's the most upbeat person i know so seeing her like that was rough. my respect for what women go through changed completely
8. i miss one-on-one time with my girlfriend. that's been the hardest part. i sometimes miss the old life. but i wouldn't go back. i would have just kept living the same way forever
9. some friendships just stop working. having a kid makes lifestyle mismatches obvious fast. you only see it once you're in it
10. having a child completely changed why i use AI. it's way more about having time to live and be with my son than about maxing productivity so i can do more. the whole equation flipped
11. building my life the way i did is paying off now. working from home, being self-employed, being able to afford help with cleaning and meals. all of that eats your time like crazy once you have a kid. and i get to see my son multiple times during my workday. just pick him up, play a little, eat together. those moments make a huge difference
12. every time i step into more responsibility it gives me more purpose. running a company, employing people, being a parent. your capacity for what you think you can handle just grows
13. nobody prepares you for how 24/7 it is. it just doesn't stop. it trains your mental capacity in a way nothing else does
14. your motivation for everything shifts. health, fitness, work. stuff that used to annoy me i just do now because i know who i'm doing it for
15. one fear i carry: that i'm spending too much time working on something that won't matter and trading away time with my son. he doesn't care how much money i make
16. everyone suddenly has an opinion on how you should raise your kid. you have to know your values and hold them
17. you start understanding what's actually good for humans. clean food, nature, less screens. for a child you really want all of that to be true. it changes how you think about where and how to live
18. the love is 10 orders of magnitude more than anything i've ever felt. some biological switch flips and you can't understand it until it happens to you. i'd heard people talk about it my whole life but nothing prepares you
19. sometimes in the evening when he's asleep i look at pictures from that day and just feel so happy. and every time i realize how much is still ahead. he can't even talk yet. someone said it's the reverse of losing someone. when someone dies you think about all the things you can't do anymore. with a child every day you realize all the things you're about to experience together
20. a child heals you. i don't need to use the word trauma but something shifted on a nervous system level. 100x'd my appreciation for life even with the sleep deprivation
21. i want my son to look up to me for the values i represent. you can't teach a child anything if you're not the example yourself
