Post your toast

@MMBeckerman @libriscent The law needs to catch-up. Currently there are strong incentives to marry if one partner is going to stay home with the children. Likewise, marriage protects your share of assets in many cases. And this is true for men and women. Needs to be recognition of common law situations.

@libriscent Getting married is without question the single biggest and most costly mistake that you will ever make in your entire life. Be smart. Stay single.

Every divorced person I know said the same thing: “I knew before the wedding.” Every single one.

@nickimoraa I've never had an issue with male gynaecologists. I've found them to be complete professionals. I also wouldn't be opposed to male midwives, on the grounds that the child-free midwives I encountered were far more sympathetic than the midwives who'd given birth themselves.

I will never understand men that decide to be gynecologists. Why did you, as a man, feel like you are qualified to be an expert on women’s health and influence women’s health choices?

@Cowgyrlie @nocontextmemes Although I got to the till once and *then* inspected just before it got scanned and one of them *was* broken. The cashier said they throw the whole carton out as one was broken, so I went ahead and bought the carton with the cracked egg to avoid waste.

@nocontextmemes You are an idiot if you don't open it to check for cracked eggs. Debate settled.

@IterIntellectus When they become ambulatory, in my experience.

babies are so easy they just sleep, eat and poop, on a loop at what stage is this thing supposed to get hard?

@VitoComedy The third Osborne sibling was absolutely correct to refuse to participate in the show.

I really hate that you guys bullied the cute chubby girl into mutilating herself

@ThrillaRilla369 I assumed everybody did this 🙃

Therapist: When did your anxiety start? Me: In elementary school when I used to count ahead to figure out which paragraph I'd have to read so I could practice in my head.

@TrueFactsStated I was going to start suggesting it as a mid-way meeting point for my family from the UK (I live in Singapore) given that it's an international flight hub. But I guess not now...

Who do you know who goes to Dubai or Doha for vacation? People I know go to Italy, France, Spain and the UK.

@venusian_doll I'd be scared it was Novichok and it was a case of mistaken identity

took an uber last night and the driver was like “i have this perfume my husband bought me but it isn’t my taste and you’re so beautiful i want you to have it” and i was like “aww thank you” just to be nice tell me why this lady handed me a bottle of mugler angel still in the box

@mirrenelle WHAT?!

There are a lot of things about periods that are uncomfortable, but I ultimately understand the reason for. The sensation of getting an electrical shock in your asshole though? I don’t get that part.

@fashion7thave @_sorrengailll I bought their wrinkle corrector and it says on the bottom of the tub 'made in Israel' FYI. I don't know if all of their products are made in Israel.

@_sorrengailll I notice many people saying II Makiage foundation is bad. Thanks I was tempted to try it because of the ads, felt it was scammy.

Girls, what if each of you shares the worst make up product you’ve ever bought, so the rest of us don’t waste money for nothing? I’ll start: olaplex shampoo

@thegenesisbl0ck I did the raspberry leaf tea and was in labour for 26 hours, my son got an infection and was in NICU for 8 days.

I’m not saying it worked, buuut I did the raspberry leaf tea, 4-6 dates and evening primrose oil protocol and pushed a baby out in 20 mins with no tears. But your doctor probably won’t tell you about this.

@bluremark @BellaBaddie__ Ironic that the whitest name is also the name of a country in Africa.

@BellaBaddie__ Chad. No last name needed.

what is the whitest name of all time?

@edmbdsm @soigomaa Women have all those costs too though.

@soigomaa Bills, rent, vehicle costs, possible pet costs, emergencies, hobbies for enjoyment, etc. Wtf you mean?

quick question how are men so broke if they don't have to buy makeup or hair products or any beauty products really like what are they spending their money on

@Simsburysms @Charlygotyou A lot of women go into labour in the small hours. It's very common.

It’s like you’re the only person awake in the world and then suddenly a car. And it’s not even the sound that gets you, it’s the questions. Where did they come from? Where are they going at this hour? Nobody’s destination at 3am feels innocent somehow. It’s just one of those things that reminds you the world keeps moving even when most people are dead asleep.

It scares me when you stay up late like 3am and you hear a car go down the road like where are you going

@4orreall Gave birth

@greatestdisease You should get the shingles vaccine because it protects against dementia. Seriously

@OldWest1453 Time for the House of Sussex to rise!

British royal houses have changed multiple times in its history. Why does everyone assume that it's either the House of Windsor or no monarchy at all in the UK? Seems to me that the time is right for a rebel nobleman who loves his country to seize the throne.

@TheCinesthetic I want to say Love Actually. But only because we all unanimously decided to only ever refer to the actors' names when discussing this film. Obviously the characters actually do have names.

Movies where we never learn the name of the main character

@bushontheradio And it was pointed out to me recently that this is just exactly how surnames started.

@bushontheradio I've got a Dave 140bpm. He's a DJ.

Have you got someone in your phonebook with their trade as part of their name? I've got Steve Roof & Dave windows.