cole

I’ve done acid more times than I had cottage cheese

still think about this bit everyday. line reading of the decade.

Computer please AI generate a movie of me in Star Wars world killing bad guys John Wick style. Put my buddy deadpool there too. Reduce Woke by 50%. Go ahead and reduce it another 20%. Oh christ that’s too far. Dial up Woke just a little, maybe 3%. Thank you computer. I love you

38 y/o gf who still says “sweet summer child”: they’re debating whether PAWG is a slur and i just can’t with the hellsite today. Me [heard “PAWG” and got so hard i got nauseous]: i think i hauve Covid

I'm in the break room helping a coworker look for his hot pocket that I ate this morning

ngl there rlly lowk is only 1 fish in the sea

@corduroynoises oh i meant charli but yeah we can easily

This video kills me everytime 😭

@corduroynoises let’s make some total bullshit

Passed a man whose shirt read "I found love in Niles, Illinois." My heart lept. Romance had triumphed yet again. I turn, and see plastered across the back "And it was only 200 bucks!" Ah. Nothing but a cruel mockery. This bitter cynicism will save no one.

Today at work this dude got a boner and everyone was joking around tapping it and touching it

chipotle lady was coughing all over my burrito but also made the biggest burrito I’ve ever seen

You’re not a sensitive young man you’re a pussy and a loser

aint got no change sorry brotha

That classic situation when youre at a party and someone says Our joy is resistance

rooftop meeting