vert der ferk

@fesshole Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty, your listening to the boy from the big bad city, this is jam hot. This is jam hot.

I remember every word I've ever heard. I learned at nursery school that other kids forgot precise wording quickly and could even forget whole conversations. In my 70s now and I still remember every word I've ever heard. It's not an advantage. I detest it and wish I was normal.

@martynziegler It's to give people time to go for a piss in a Wetherspoons

FIFA to break football's laws by having half-time break at World Cup final of up to 30mins to accommodate glitzy Super Bowl-style show. ITV will cover half-time show in full and BBC expected to do so too. thetimes.com/sport/football…

@fesshole How does it alert the authorities exactly? How did anyone know who either of you were for example? Are you saying police saw a man meeting a girl in a busy airport and stopped you? Or are you already on a register that would have you watched 👀

My Polish cousin sent her daughter over to stay with us in England for the weekend as she wanted to go to an anime convention. It turns out being a 47 year old man waiting alone in an airport for a 17 year old Polish girl does alert the authorities.

@TaraBull Who the fuck wants to see her manky old growler.

Madonna, 67, turning heads as she steps out in a blue dress in Paris

@stats_feed JK obvs

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 If Scotland became independent, its two-letter country code could not be any of the following because they are already assigned: SC → Seychelles SO → Somalia ST → São Tomé and Príncipe SL → Sierra Leone SA → Saudi Arabia SN → Senegal SD → Sudan

@Gianl1974 Clearly bollocks. Still had to check though.

the theater of the absurd in a man's delirium

@fesshole Someone's secretly in love with their sister in law.! 😍

My brother-in-law is a prick that's caused a lot of stress and misery for my sister-in-law. For the last few years I've been leaving random keys around town with his phone number on the keyring. The aim of the game is consistent, low level annoyance.

@TheBest_Viral Yeah, those trout lips are terrifying 😳

A very naughty mom!

@TINKERCURL @Kevin__Davies @Ryanair Hoping to get an upgrade to a window seat with an actual window.

@schnauzersbeard @Kevin__Davies @Ryanair Boot licker

I don’t think @Ryanair are struggling (£2b profits) my son turned up to Bournemouth airport today 90 minutes before his flight and was charged £55 for not checking in on their App!! He had waited a few days to get a cheaper flight (£20) Just a heads up for you all. Have called them but was 279th in their queue!! £8 to drop off at the airport too WTF! 😡😤

@Customerse9255 Hey Laura. I don't have any issues, its the original poster.

Made a really good internet friend during lockdown who really got me through some hard times- but now he keeps asking to visit and I don't know how to say I have zero interest in ever actually meeting him

@chris_sutton73 @Record_Sport It's a script we've read before. While Celtic fans watched the club lurch from one disaster to another this season, the board feel it was a huge success. Next to £0 spent, showed how 'tough' they are and still win the double. They answer to no-one so why change?

We have seen this movie before. My @Record_Sport column on why are we still waiting for Celtic to appoint a manager? Other clubs are getting their business done and Celtic will be playing catch up once again… your thoughts?

@fesshole Who the fuck gets blackheads on their ballsack?

I have discovered a new prime source of blackheads to squeeze: my ballsack. The dog loves what comes out.

@bhoysviews Pathetic

I’d rather Wilfried Nancy back with a full preseason and some of his own player choices than Robbie Keane.

@JosephKeenan25 McJedward

Nah this might be the worst yet.

@ScottishFA Well done @sfa. This needed closing down. Next batshit conspiracy theory @MidlothianFc ?

Scottish FA Statement | Celtic v Heart of Midlothian

@AvonandsomerRob Eat less shit, exercise more. Stop the booze.

What's one fix you've tried that's proven to result in weight loss?

@lisboninthesun The 'Yer maw's a tim' Inn

OK Bhoys and Ghirls, on you go.

@JohnTillUK Few weeks ago Premier Inn anywhere around the city were £200+ per night..crazy prices. Look a bit further out and they are a fraction of that. 30 mins on the Northern line and a 5 minute walk can save you a fortune.

When did London get so expensive accommodation wise? £250 a night for premier inn midweek during early June… crazy. Travelodge no better