Schoff.

@jordangowing @luamericas Also here in Iowa!

@luamericas Me, looking for the promotion party in Iowa

🥳 Promotion party meetups on Monday in: Atlanta, Baltimore, Boston, Chicago, Colorado, Connecticut, DC, Ft Lauderdale, Indiana, LA, Las Vegas, New York, Niagara, Orlando, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Portland, Raleigh, San Francisco, Tampa, Toronto, Vancouver and Wisconsin.

@RobJHallam @fesshole The correct answer

@fesshole Don’t flip it. I put it under the grill

I'm a professional chef, not a Michelin star quality chef but I've worked at some pretty good restaurants. I have no idea how to make an omelette without it falling apart on the flip. I've turned down jobs when I find out they serve omelettes on their breakfast menu.

@ChicagoBears @Keenan13Allen

Scary hours 😈 We have traded for @Keenan13Allen, pending physical

@username654224 @Rise_Salute @ChicagoBears Thought this as soon as I saw the question 😂

@Rise_Salute @ChicagoBears Kevin Durant to bulls

👨‍🍳👨‍🍳👨‍🍳

@fesshole Could always just grow some balls and tell her to get fucked?

After the fesses about guys not being allowed to buy things by their wives, I listened to the comment sections and finally bought the bike I wanted. Wife came home, furious with me and made me take it back. She's now taken my bank card as I can't be trusted

@bigjonhellings Countries on its arse. Absolute joke of a sentence. He’ll have feet up with a PlayStation in room for 2 years. Little cunt

If that was my grandad that young kid would be getting hunted down after two years and getting some punishment! Pathetic sentence that

@rn_lilydale @ianmiles In answer to your closing question, yes you are being dramatic.

@ianmiles Does anyone want to tell her that we’ve been doing that exact same..for decades 😂🤣😂

This generation is completely doomed. They can't even hold a 9-5 job without having a mental breakdown.

@fesshole Deserve all you got for using the word “Uber”

Had the most gruesome divorce, wife committed all manner of atrocities which can never be forgiven. But the absolute lowest was discovering she owned a Phil Collins album that I found after she left. Uber unforgivable.

@scottpeterlee 8 pints and pack of crisps a game and discounted subs

@schoff94 The player decides money so tell me what you want

Any English lads that play centre/second row keen to come play for Sarina for the rest of the season? Need to be actually keen to come over as the club will be trying to get yous here ASAP. Retweet it around or show some people who you think could be interested Thankyou.

@miller_element Wonder how many Courics that is

@crazyclipsonly Legend has it he’s still sliding down the road

Guy jaywalking gets hit by truck 😳

@UniversalORL hi, I am attending in early June with my wife (both have tickets) and a 23 month old. It would not allow us to add a ticket for our son, with it being free admission anyway for him, does he need a ticket or will he just be able to gain entry with us?

@NoContextHumans That’s a fair way to break your neck

Here's your chance to win a signed @Commanders @EfeObadaUK shirt. You know what to do! RT! 🔁

@detectfights That was a textbook bull rush. Guys going top 10

@footballtweet Danny Welbeck

Guess who? 🤔

@VirginAtlantic why do you make it so difficult to speak to an actual person on live chat when on the email it says “use live chat”

Anyone want a copy of @NBA2K? 👀 RT for a chance to win and we’ll DM a couple codes tonight!