Janet Murray@jan_murray
I believe people “peak” about trans ideology in stages - and we have to let them.
Because some of what people eventually discover is genuinely frightening and difficult to process. Push too hard too early, and instead of becoming more open to the evidence, many will simply shut down or turn away from it completely.
That aside, I spent the best part of a decade in digital marketing. Which is how I know - first hand - that most of us need to hear something more than a dozen times - and often in many different ways - before the message has any chance of landing.
And that we can't assume everyone is at the same 'stage' we are.
STAGE 0: “Live and let live.”
You support gay rights and assume this is mostly about kindness and acceptance.
You may feel uncomfortable about men in women’s spaces - but it hasn’t affected you personally, so you don’t think too deeply about it.
And because it’s all grouped together under LGBTQIA+, you’ve never really separated sex (LGB) and gender identity (TQIA+).
STAGE 1: Something unsettles you.
Maybe it’s a nurse being forced to share a changing room with a man who says he's a woman at work. A parent challenging a school because girls are expected to undress in front of a male pupil. Boys being allowed to join a girls’ only organisation.
At the same time, you start noticing language changing.
NHS leaflets that say “pregnant people” or “cervix havers”.
Women’s initiatives that include men.
Men in women’s sport.
Children being medically transitioned.
You still feel sympathetic - especially towards young people struggling with gender identity - but something feels ‘off’.
But you still think there must be a sensible solution.
Third spaces. Clear boundaries. Some kind of ‘compromise’ maybe?
But when you cautiously voice even mild concerns - or see someone else doing so - you realise these views are often treated as unacceptable.
STAGE 2: The penny drops.
You realise this isn’t simply about being kind to people who are different. People are being expected to publicly deny biological reality - socially, politically and professionally.
You notice people in positions of power saying ridiculous things - like ‘women can have penises’ or men can 'grow cervixes.' And that challenging such ridiculous statements costs people jobs, reputations and friendships.
You notice some gay people are pushing back hard - and why.
Because if sex is no longer real or meaningful, then neither is same-sex attraction.
So this doesn’t just affect women’s rights, but gay people too - whose hard-won rights also depend on sex being real.
You learn about women like Maya Forstater, Kellie-Jay Keen and Sall Grover - women who have been publicly attacked, vilified and, in Kellie-Jay Keen’s case, physically assaulted, for what feel like entirely reasonable positions about sex and women’s boundaries.
You learn what a “TERF” is - and how it’s used as a slur against women who defend their sex-based rights.
You see pictures of masked protesters holding up signs calling for women to be hanged and r*ped. Videos of activists calling for them to be urinated and defecated on. Simply for defending their lawful right to single sex changing rooms, toilets and other intimate spaces.
You notice journalists, politicians and institutions seemingly afraid to state basic biological facts. Male offenders - who have committed the most serious crimes - being described as women in the press.
You start to feel the chill.
Not just around women’s rights - but around free speech itself.
And start asking yourself:
If people can be pressured into denying biological reality - into literally agreeing that the man standing in front of them is actually a woman - what else can they be pressured into staying silent about?
STAGE 3: You can’t unsee it
You realise that men demanding access to women’s spaces aren’t poor, misunderstood people who simply want acceptance.
They are vulnerable.
But they need mental health support - not affirmation.
You learn that some may have a recognised condition called autogynephilia - where a man is sexually aroused by the idea of himself as a woman.
And realise - often with horror - that many public institutions have embedded harmful ideology in the name of compassion and inclusion. Without properly questioning it.
Allowing some men to bring their ‘kinks’ to work, education, social and other aspects of public life. In some cases, into settings that include children.
You still have compassion. And recognise that many vulnerable children - and their parents - have been swept up in something adults should have questioned much sooner. But know you can’t look the other way.
Because you now understand why so many ordinary people stayed silent - not because they agreed, but because they were afraid.
At this stage, some people speak publicly. Many speak up earlier.
Others support quietly behind the scenes.
But very few return to Stage 0 - and nor should they.
