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@skedaddle74 Yes

[getting murdered] Me: BUT I HAVEN'T EVEN ROCKED THE CASBAH

If you don't terrify people a little bit then what's the point.

happy to announce I remembered who the fuck I am

I’ve decided to make two sandwiches for work today. A “lunch” sandwich…and a “eat this whenever the fuck you want “ sandwich.

[walking into an aquarium] hello sharks

your 40s are for being in your 30s

friend got a quirky ouija board rug for her house and now i mainly hang out there waiting for the roomba to summon demons and shit.

I'd make room in my blanket fort for you

people really come into your life and just waste the fuck out of your time

I plucked my nipple hair for this?

I think we all need Saturday morning cartoons today.

I used to go out and do things and now i have favorite scissors

it’s hard to be this whimsical when everyone is this stupid

When the trust is broken, the apology means nothing.

Watching the Sound of Music in my forties and suddenly Christopher Plummer is a fucking fox wtf

i bet being in a lasagna feels so good for a noodle

i refuse to curl up and die. i am going to curl up and live

use your energy on the right people.