Spider V

I finally figured out how to use Twitter

@sammymaine @AndrewSolender Hell yeah Hudson

My phone has 5 pre-programmed text responses. Thinking of changing #1 to "I suggest you consult a quality atlas" #lookatamap

Gonna find that missing tuba mouthpiece any day now

@bequilles Grapefruit response

Mostly I just sit on the couch, staring due west long after the sun sets and listening to Eminence Front by The Who

OH: "oh yeah, my ex was terrible. One time he compared my immigrant parents to invasive plant species"

In Which Too Many Questions Are Asked About The Superbowl

"Hey, what happened to my wine?" [peers into cup with suspicion] "You picked up Bob's beer, that's what happened to your wine"

"What to do with a tuba like this... ...it's a conversation starter" "It's ... not playable like a regular tuba" "... kinda sounds like a helicopter..." youtube.com/watch?v=OK1GDk…

At Safeway grocery: an older Russian couple with a tiny terrier in the beer/yogurt aisle, arguing over which Chobani flavors to get

The reduction of a word's intensity through exaggerated use is a process called 'semantic bleaching.' merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/…

@mdedolph Go Ducks!

MOVING IS AWESOME I GET TO PACK UP ALL MY THINGS AND SLOWLY REALIZE THAT THE MATERIAL GOODS I SPENT YEARS WORKING TO AFFORD HAVE BECOME AN ANCHOR FROM WHICH I WILL NEVER BE FREE OH AND I MUST FORWARD MY MAIL

@leahvelcro they are delawoke

that time he moved out of my house and left behind a tree stump twitter.com/MobyDickatSea/…

"Alexa, play songs by Bix Beiderbecke" ... "I don't know, I still hear harp music"

"Y'know I have never drank a PBR and I've never drank a Budweiser" "Well then you've saved yourself a lot of flatulence"

"Do you remember ChampAle? It was the champagne of beers"

Hosting: "Good morning and happy 2018! Would you like some coffee? Some electrolytes? ... or both?"

Ice house #breathe twitter.com/MobyDickatSea/…