Sarah Schmelling

I entered the Merrily We Roll Along Lottery for $39 tickets on @TodayTix! Tap here to enter: todaytix.com/nyc/shows/2741…

This Mother’s Day, in lieu of brunch (overpriced and meat-heavy, in her opinion), you’re invited to this one-day symposium all about Mom. All attendees will receive wide-ranging, embarrassing anecdotes out of nowhere. nyer.cm/rR6kLZp

@EmGusk @MonicaHesse Agree! Arts/crafts or school/office supplies.

@MonicaHesse omg that's absurd. they're in the arts/crafts area if I remember properly.

I am in Target. I am trying to buy a photo album. I asked where they might be. Worker did not know what a photo album was. I said it was a place to keep pictures. He sent me to the tech aisle. He assumed I wanted memory to store more pictures on my phone. I am 1 billion years old

@chrisbaty Ha! I remember my brother got the Violent Femmes cassette at Peaches too and he was like 8 years old. We were amazed.

@sschmelling My first record store was a Peaches in Kansas City. Still remember excitedly picking out a Violent Femmes cassette from the display case as a 7th grader.

Best ever security question, eye doc portal. 10 yrs old. Peaches Records, Oak Park, IL. Allowance $. Played it over and over reading along w the lyrics. Rocked my world. @Kathy_Valentine @realginaschock

@jorie_graham English major, creative writing minor. UW-Madison. Shout out to my fantastic advisor, @JesseLKercheval. Wouldn't change a thing. #iwasanenglishmajor

@chrisbaty Down the street from Sunday School. :)

@sschmelling @Kathy_Valentine @realginaschock Peaches Records!

@jkusesherwords @newyorkerhumor Brilliant! That piece was so great and deserves to be put on things!

Horribly nerdy, or what everyone does after their @newyorkerhumor piece runs in print?

@EQuotah So exciting! Congrats!!

That's a lot of info, @nytcooking turkey burger recipe.

It is my (cusp, solstice) birthday and I've never felt so seen.

Can’t wait!

We're back w/ #MagicMonday, highlighting our favorite recent humor pieces from the web! This week, we're featuring work from @sschmelling @mcsweeneys @johnmoe @Sassers_ @The_Belladonnas @AmyStrommer @FrazzledHumor @molly_kessler @HumorDarling. Read below! link.medium.com/geDZ0j9nTmb

Thanks so much @The_Belladonnas!

Happy to share my Wordle obsession (and other things) on @mcsweeneys today!

Sometimes, I just look out the window and wonder what my couch we ordered in April is doing right now.

The game is great, but only in small doses. The third time I got to Call from the School Nurse Though I Know She Also Has Steve’s Number, I got dizzy and had to stop. @sschmelling newyorker.com/humor/daily-sh…

“Why is Mom the only one who knows how the thermostat works? Or what the next-door neighbors’ names are?” nyer.cm/Cunkt4g

Excited to be in Daily Shouts, and share the Mom experience (a challenging but 5-star game). Customer Reviews of Mom: The V.R. Experience newyorker.com/humor/daily-sh… via @NewYorker

@EQuotah Thanks to you, MY brilliant friend! ❤️