Caroline Sweeney

@SocietyQueen999 Let's say hypothetically your kids weren't planned and you just wanted to make the best of things because you wanted to build a life with the other person.

@RoyalMailHelp Someone already investigated this internally for me. The second my package was searched for yesterday it magically wound up on the next lorry to Sheffield and arrived this morning.

@RoyalMailHelp claiming I could get my parcel today by 1pm when it's still over 4 hours away from my house is utterly wild.

@anon_opin It's nothing to do with his acting ability. He's annoying good as The Little Brown Mouse. But he's an awful human being. Rude, entitled, patronising.

I feel a bit for James Corden. He's a much better actor than most give him credit for, you can't deny his contributions to Gavin & Stacey, and the cast and crew seem to adore him. If only he said "no" to 96% of the things he was offered, he'd probably be a national treasure.

@Nebjamin73 @ShouldHaveCat Some cars like people are also naturally on the chunky side. My eldest boy is always a bit beefier than desired but he gets regular bloodwork and is absolutely fit and healthy

@ShouldHaveCat That cat is Hmuuuuuge One a serious note: cats get diabetes too, so watch their weight. That being said - there are larger breeds of house cats and they do look huge and their healthy weights vary significantly!

Cat loaf.

@EternalBacklog @NoContextBrits By our powers combine

@NoContextBrits If my autistic brain is correct, that’s his review of Red Bull Cola (Nomad)

@qikipedia When dettol adverts talk about 99.99% of bacteria this is the 0.01%

Deinococcus radiodurans is a type of bacteria that is resistant to radiation doses that could kill a human being, can withstand acid, dehydration and cold, and is able to survive outside of the International Space Station for three years. Scientists call it Conan the Bacterium.

@crtrseba @morjman__ Having suffered from life threatening sleep deprivation, that's what it feels like

@morjman__ bro typed this like he’s speaking from the shadow realm after ignoring all the warnings

I'm begging you guys, take care of your bodies brush twice a day don't listen to music at high volumes reduce the brightness of your devices sleep 8 hours a day all those things they warned us about, follow the warnings please

@fesshole God this fess could have been posted by several people I know...

I mainly got married to keep my drinking and drug habits under control, as my other half hasn't done either since uni. It worked. I do realise "marriage for the purposes of 24/7 rehab/accountability" isn't the most romantic reason, but hey, I'm still alive.

@DebbieLouYams @sodiumlights @anon_opin Charles Dance nailed it ngl.

@sodiumlights @anon_opin David Jason was terrible as Rincewind. He's a good actor and he's a Terry Pratchett fan so was a shame. Nigel Planer would be my ideal Rincewind, Alan Rickman would have been a perfect Vetinari.

The greatest fantasy world wasn't made by J K Rowling or George R R Martin, or even Tolkein. It was made by Terry Pratchett. It's only the fact that no one has ever made a decent screen adaption of Discworld that more people don't think so.

@Bogofs @sodiumlights @anon_opin They cast Adora Belle too young. They should have had Tamzin Greig play her.

@sodiumlights @anon_opin I think the recent BBC adaptation was the worst, sadly. I quite liked the Sky Going Postal one

@sodiumlights @anon_opin The animated versions of Soul Music and Weird Sisters were the best, Hogfather was the best of the live action ones.

@anon_opin I'm always amazed by how awful the adaptations have always been. The early animated ones were probably the best. The Sky / David Jason ones easily the worst.

@anon_opin Twixtmas is an essential time for your liver to rest between Boxing Day and NYE.

The period between Xmas & New Year is universally loathed so a better solution would be to shift Christmas Day to the 29th December, Boxing Day to the 30th. This would also free up annual leave for those forced to take 3-4 days off over the Xmas period when their office shuts.

@SKNAX81 @anon_opin There is no concept of time, only old movies, sports on tv and cheese.

@anon_opin Actually, those 3 days between Boxing Day and NYE are the best of the year.

@anon_opin Reminder that we've seen pubs into the 00s that didn't have ladies toilets. Some only have disabled toilets now because their average customer age is 81.

Those who want pubs to return to how they used to be in the old days are off their heads. Take a look at the video for The Flying Pickets' Only You. That's how pubs used to be. Miserable, grotty, strangely liminal places, with dark wood and dark glances everywhere. Nope.

@AmazonHelp It's fine. I'm letting t It go this time because it's December and there's a huge storm going on all over the UK so they were probably running behind and panicked about losing their job.

@tehsweeney We'd like to help you with this, please reach out to us via DM. We will do our best to assist. Further, please don’t provide your order/account details over DM as we consider them to be personal information.-Kara twitter.com/messages/compo…

Fighting for my life with UPS after they lost my Dior bag by delivering it to the wrong house and they adamantly have said ‘it was delivered to the address on the package’ besties no I have cameras that show the truck zooming by that address??? Pls just give me my bag

@MediumSizeMeech If your leg hair is translucent you're blonde. If it's dark you're brunette. *drops mic*

I’m convinced white people don’t know what colour blonde is since a lot of them are blonde as children and then their hair gets darker as they age. That’s not your life no more baby, you’re BRUNETTE

@Lovinthe808 @officialhambly It's a gift. That's like saying "you shouldn't buy anything for Christmas for anyone if you can't afford to buy it twice" I know I spend a lot of money on my dad, I definitely couldn't afford to buy his gift twice!