Paul Spock

Norm Macdonald with David Spade and Dennis Miller. Norm says “cock” 13 times in 2 minutes.

My new t-shirt is of the legend @the_ironsheik

Time to share some love 🥰 As an early valentine, we're giving away 15k gift cards over the next 2 days. Follow us & tweet #TMobileTuesdays + #contest for a chance to win a gift card of your choice from 100+ brands. Don't delay, we're DMing the first 3k winners at 9:00 AM PST!

@BrotherMob Same blood type but I have kidney failure too

I need a kidney y’all any volunteers? B+ blood type

If we were a socialist country we would have the same amount of toilet paper and hand sanitizer

Kobe faked his death to get out of making Space Jam 2

I put a drink in this muuug @ChipChipperson

Are you ready for 5G? We are. That’s why @SamsungMobileUs and #TMobileTuesdays are giving away 5 FREE Samsung Galaxy Note10+ 5G phones 🤯🎉💯 Simply RT to enter. Good luck 🤞 #contest

Like this tweet help a brother out

@NickJosten @momjeansplease Babies come from a kid who has been paying

Play a game with me? Type “Babies come from..” then choose the center predictive text to finish your sentence. Here’s mine: Babies come from the lake people. This checks out.

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I'm guys that read comic books didn't have girlfriends years old

@kelly_carlin @SiriusXMComedy @chq @NtlComedyCenter Not much to brag about here I'm a struggling comedian..radio personality...and overall popular guy about town all while doing dialysis 3 days a week #tootyourownhorn

Toot you own horn time! I’ll start: Did you know I wrote a book? Have a podcast? Run a women’s empowerment program? Interview comics on @SiriusXMComedy? Teach at @CHQ? On the Advisory Board of the @NtlComedyCenter? Lead a meditation webinar online every Sunday? Your turn.

Since the catholic priest are so busy putting out fires its finally safe for kids to be at a cathedral

I ain't into trickin, I'm into treatin. #ThatNewFunkadelic music video out now: smarturl.it/newfunkadelicv…

@kelly_carlin What's an adult?

I actually got shit done today. It's almost like I'm an adult or something.

Reno City Council: Don't Move the Strip Clubs change.org/p/reno-city-co… via @Change

Dexters laboratory is the prequel to rick and morty.

Dudes who post selfies when they are at home are the worst. So are girls who do that. Vain people are the worst.