paul bassett davies

Confuse future archeologists by burying your pets in elaborate military uniforms.

Today is International Day of Happiness. Be strong, we'll get through it somehow.

It’ll feel weirdly predictable when it turns out that the only way for Trump to defeat Iran is to invade Cuba.

@JohnDavies67 We Buy Any Precious dot com.

@thewritertype Oops. I sold it to Vintage Cash Cow.

This feels like a critical moment for our collective future. If you happen to be a Hobbit in possession of a mysterious old ring, please make your way to the nearest volcano IMMEDIATELY and deposit the ring therein.

@Whitmore03David Sure, bung it in and jump on a giant eagle.

@thewritertype I have a partly sucked polo mint, would this suffice?

@JPWrights Naughty Smeagol. Hand it over.

@thewritertype I would, but I needs it

@Rordan508 That’s exactly what the antibunny wants you to think!

@thewritertype There is no evidence a chocolate rabbit was involved in our salvation.

Sir, I bought twenty Easter eggs from English shops and none of the packaging mentioned crucifixion. I ate all of them for breakfast and there was no transubstantiation. How can we even call ourselves a Christian country? It makes me sick. Literally. I’ve just vomited copiously.

Two’s company. Three’s a crowd. Four is the bare minimum if you need to coax a walrus off a trampoline.

In North Korea they declare the results first and then hold the election.

@DrLKVaughan Full disclosure: I don’t own a dishwasher.

@thewritertype Further complicated, by living in Australia. The dishwashers have to be completely full to run (cos water restrictions). So there is no predictable time when the dishes are clean. So no one is sure whether the dishwasher needs to be loaded or unloaded at any given time point.

If your middle-class marriage is in difficulty and you can afford to attend couples counselling, don't. Spend the money on buying separate dishwashers, which solves the problem in many cases.

@DrLKVaughan Ok, there goes another beautiful theory.

@thewritertype My sister has 2 dishwashers. This only adds to the domestic chaos.

@JohnRichar23566 Why stop there. Separate houses.

@thewritertype Or separate bathrooms - far more important.

@MightyBuddha01 @rorysutherland Let’s not overthink this.

@thewritertype Wouldn't a dual-use, double dishwashers with clean vs dirty signage be the better way to go about it? @rorysutherland would definitely argue for this.

@MarkJohnEssex @rorysutherland I for one welcome our new dishwasher overlords.

@thewritertype @rorysutherland Presumably Rory would say that they therefore need 4…2 each to accommodate stacking preferences while making sure nobody ever has to load/unload.

Much of Britain is enjoying warm sunshine today, but I'm predicting that it won't last. It will be dark again by midnight, mark my words.

My favourite part of St Patrick’s Day is that moment, late at night, when a leprechaun under the sofa tells you to go to bed because you’re hallucinating.

Happy St Patrick's Day. Tonight, many people who have no Irish ancestry will keep drinking until they discover that they are in fact Irish.

I’m old enough to remember when "You won’t believe what happens next!" was clickbait, not Trump's foreign policy.