Tony

The world is so fucked up I come to twitter to see the good in people

@Needyhelpy @ThisPlaceAgain 😒

@KissabiX I look old enough without that filter. And now you finally look like someone I could date 😍

@hunbothered How thoughtful of you 😒

@tsm560 just stopping by to say hi

@ANTambo @AndreyasAsylum Not since 1966

@tsm560 @AndreyasAsylum You ok Tony?

The world is so fucked up I come to twitter to see the good in people

Out of all the types of people who MUST be stopped, the stranger who sits beside you when there’s tons of open chairs is the most baffling.

Children in the Eighties lived in fear that Nancy Reagan would get them if they misbehaved.

No, I can’t give you a ride to the airport, but I can help you download the Lyft app because we’re adults now.

Everyone keeps asking me if I’m okay, and I think it’s because I keep showing up to places looking like I was hit by a truck.

If you don’t hear the Benny Hill theme song while wrestling a fitted sheet onto your mattress, then you’re doing it wrong.

I wish I loved anything as much as old people love eating toast.

YOU PEOPLE HAVE STOOD IN MY WAY LONG ENOUGH I'M JOINING THE BULL RIDING CIRCUIT

I just woke up and opened Twitter and now im already mad

My frequently used gif section makes me happy

I'm fluent in sigh language

I'll to, too, your, you're, there, their, and they're you under the table

Sometimes I think I just need a sparkly baton

I love people that get offended on Twitter. They sort of make it all worth it.

Last night I had a dream that I was drinking a beer, and now I'm drinking a beer. Fuckin weird, man.

I will be closely monitoring your ass to ensure you don't fart in my Jeep.

After world war II, Tony and I came back and just started banging bitches.