💅

I'm not deleting a single tweet. It'll find its person.

There was a time in my life when I didn’t know who Erika Kirk was and I really took that for granted.

I spent my childhood preparing to tweet my feelings and be judged by someone named “LizardKing4U69.”

you don't have to be crazy to post here but it helps

if you come here to heal you're going to be disappointed

The Germans are great at two things, classical music and war crimes.

Can't, I'll be vacantly staring into nothingness.

Was I too long? Why's my algorithm all fucked

I read every article from the NY Post in a Brooklyn accent and it just makes everything worse

My favorite thing is to see Pinterest boards doxxed

Waiting patiently for the 'Latinos love Trump' episode so you can see paper puppets do a better job at being human and literally anything else

Outside feels like a terrarium in Hell

JD Vance upstairs playing wii bowling while his parents fight

People should be charged with a criminal misdemeanor for making me sad

The world has been a post credits scene for the last 4 years, no one cares. Buy the llama.

"Why don't you ever open your sunroof?" Because birds.

The Bone and Joint Center sounds a lot cooler than it actually is

*gets 5 likes* Me: Oh fuck, this tweet is taking off!

Who you are when the doorbell rings is the real you.

I finally one a spelling bee.