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It's not cool to write a Wikipedia page about yourself, so I wrote one instead for Substack. Target audience: search engines in the year 3026. Bonus: learn how to pronounce "Jaschek!" open.substack.com/pub/waltnow/p/…

See my script and Rick's storyboard art for a proposed funny video about a woman getting bad financial advice. On a park bench. substack.com/home/post/p-19…

This week on ebay.com/usr/writerwalt, I’m practically GIVING things away! I feel like one of those local TV ads with an appliance store owner hyping sales with an “Am I CRAZY?” persona. But here I am, offering low-starting price #auctions on the stuff you see here! Am I CRAZY?🤔

@ThrillaRilla369 “Thank you for your attention to this matter.”

An overused word or phrase that needs to be retired in 2026

@stelzner_n1150 “Israel never talked me into the war” is the new “I am not a crook.”

“Israel never talked me into the war” is code for Israel talked me into the war.

@MarkMeadows You're probably going to jail in Georgia; you can watch it on TV from there. wlos.com/news/local/pre…

🚨 If the GOP doesn't hold the House, impeachment 3.0 is coming. Trump Derangement Syndrome has fully captured the Democrats and it's the only thing holding their party together.

@CREWcrew Could a #reporter or #network get Jared #Kushner, like, on the phone? 📞 Or how about a Zoom? 🖥️ Is he impossible to interview 🎤 or investigate? 🕵️‍♂️ Does he live in a bunker on the moon? 🌕 Guess so. 🤷🏻

It seems like Jared Kushner wants to be special envoy without any of the transparency obligations that come with it—and without the ethics laws. He needs to clarify his role, face senate confirmation, file his financial disclosure and divest from any conflicting assets now.

@ShannonJoyRadio @JDVance Iranians have “nuclear suicide vests” like have a girlfriend in Canada.

Nuclear Suicide Vests? Bullshit. Produce the evidence. @JDVance

@Darkdarling00 0%

Simple poll. Please be honest! As of today, how much do you still trust this team? A. 100% B. 75% C. 50% D. 25% E. 0%

Now, for a limited time: see the MOST #DISLIKED video #short I have ever created on YouTube. And of course: it's one of my first uses of #AI, making this pic come to "life." 60% dislikes to 40% likes, a new #low for me ever! youtube.com/shorts/GCGDqM9…

@atrupar @FluteMagician Somebody should ask “Smiley” Hassett about dead soldiers, and see if he grins his trademark grin through that grim subject

Hassett: "If the war were to be extended, it wouldn't really disrupt the US economy very much at all. It would hurt consumers, and we'd have to think about what we'd have to do about that, but that's really the last of our concerns right now."

@atrupar As Bugs Bunny used to say: “What a maroon!”

WELKER: If you were prepared, why is the Strait of Hormuz effectively closed right now? CHRIS WRIGHT: Because it's right near the Iranian shoreline

You deserve a #laugh right now! On YouTube, I've reposted "Missing Persons," our funny, Clio-winning radio ad for #Matlock. In 60 seconds, you'll be chuckling. Or at least chortling. #funnyradio youtu.be/QMlxnYDpvJI

@collegefessing I later learned her name: “Winona Ryder”

I sat next to a girl in Intro to Psych for a whole semester who always wore hoodies, baseball caps, and never looked up from her notebook. She mumbled answers when called on, doodled anime eyes in the margins. Last day of finals she slipped me a note: “Thanks for not blowing my cover.” Was this some kind of celebrity?? I was so thrown off. - Vanderbilt

@DiscussingFilm So many “F” bombs. Will never get used to such profanity so frequently in DC content. Have been reading stories about Hal Jordan the hero since 1963. Only now does he seem like a vulgar potty-mouth. I’m old.

The first trailer for ‘LANTERNS’ has been released. Releasing in August on HBO. x.com/hbomax/status/…

@cspan Isn’t the ridiculous “we didn’t start this” claim due for a Community Note?

Secretary Pete Hegseth: "We didn't start this war, but under President Trump we are finishing it."

@TrungTPhan “I just love this… (can’t think of the word for burger) …product.”

Ray Kroc used to drive around unannoced to McDonalds stores and ate few burgers a day (while counting burger wrappers in competitors trash to gauge their sales). Current McDonald’s CEO Chris Kempczinski looks like he gonna hurl after eating new Big Arch.

Shocker! We created an entire Earth Dude #comicbook WITHOUT A.I.! See how we did it, and see how YOU can make a #comic without A.I., too, in 15 real-world and satisfying steps: substack.com/home/post/p-18… ARE we crazy? Read the article!

@PathOfMen_ Too late