Barry Carrington's World Of Procrastination

British people will spend £4 on a meal deal every single working day, never cook, never calculate the annual total and then wonder why they can’t save. £4 a day is £1,040 a year. Eaten in a park. Under grey skies. In a triangle sandwich. This is not judgement. Just observation.

They don't want to build houses. They don't want to build high speed rail. They don't even want to build pylons to deliver zero carbon energy. They're pointless.

When asked to pick up to 3 top issues facing the country, 'cost of living' comes top among the public, at 53% Yet asked what they think each party sees as the top issues, only 9-15% choose 'cost of living' for any party

The British Government looked at this and thought no, we should build a £100m bat tunnel instead.

Frankly, I’ve had enough of this.

My grand unified theory of British politics is really simple. They're retards. That's it, that's the theory. I would say on average, 4 times per week, something will happen and someone will ask me my opinion, and I'll say well what do you think happened, and I'll hear some labyrinthine conspiracy theory about internecine factional warfare, and who is donating to who, and who owes who money, and who is shagging which journalist, and I'll say - ok, but have you considered: the guy is just a fucking retard? And no one can compete with the simple mathematical elegance of this theory. "Why do you think Starmer borrows so much to fund the economically incompetent? Do you think the Communist industry is pulling the strings" (ideas conceived by the mentally deranged) No. I think he's a fucking dipshit. Remember when Zack Polanski managed to get away with becoming leader of a major party after saying he could increase boob sizes with hypnosis? And everyone was clutching their pearls going 'oh what do they know, is the polling bad? Is it over?' and it turned out - no, he was just fucking retarded. Like if you start out from this simple truth, 'they're all retarded' and you base all your political assumptions on that, you will be happier, you will be better off, you will be right most of the time, people will think you're possessed of preternatural insight, if you simply read the news and see what guys in Westminster are doing and say 'they're doing that because they are retarded'. I used to keep this a secret because I like grifting retainers out of having some secret occult knowledge about UK politics but it's getting to be too much - so I'm just going to start publicising it. They're retarded. That's it, that's the secret. Use that knowledge, vote on the basis of that knowledge, make every significant decision in your life based on this simple truth - your politicians are fucking retarded.