Dan Peroni

🎵Go grease lightning you're burning up the quarter mile🎵

@wizzair Hi WizzAir. My father lost a bumbag on a flight from Larnaca to Gatwick on Thursday 18 December. It had vital possessions in it including his passport. I need to speak to a real person about this not a machine. Please help.

@Billie_T @nessm76 He’s an absolute penis.

Fuck Daniel Levy

I won Facebook today.

@clownworld Ep’s Files : The truth is still out there.

@Midgetgems26 It got better. Started quite shaky but by the end, brilliant!

Amandaland is far better than I thought it would be.

Fans at Bergamo airport give Kyle Walker emotional send off following successful 6 months loan period at AC Milan.

Sure. Why have the people elect a government when you can simply buy one. That’s exactly how democracy should work. Absolute wrong-uns, politicians, the lot of them.

Tried to download the update of the Evri app this morning. Still waiting. My next door neighbour just came round and told me it downloaded to his phone.

Just seen there’s a place called North Southwark. Why isn’t it just called Northwark? Or Centralwark?

Noel Edmonds Club

BREAKING: Harry Kane announces retirement from international football on June 1st

@mostly_grumpy Jack says “Hi”

I’m currently unable to move from the sofa

Is #LamineYamal 16 by any chance?

@GurneyHarlech Striker: Not *Mc*Murdock? McCroskey: No. Mc*Mur*dock

*AN* HISTORICAL BATTLE *@benonwine pulls trigger anyway*

Getting serious @HackerTDog vibes off my dog rn

Me (yelling upstairs): anything up there for the dishwasher? 15 yo Son: *brings down 5 beakers, 2 ramekins and one plate* Me: what the…? Son: well I don’t know! Me: well who else took them up there? The fucking borrowers?

@Mike_Heff @CPhilpOfficial We’re screwed in Croydon Heff. Council have no money to do anything thanks to BrickbyPrick Tony Newman’s ineptitude/dodginess. Anything we get now from central Gov will take years to bear fruit.

Delivering in South Croydon earlier

Yippicayay…