Lizard W

@opfascism Bitter people would call for this.

The first thing the democrats need to do when they regain power is to take all that gold shit down in the oval office and burn it in the yard. Next, we work on the ballroom, and that stupid arch, if he builds one.

@Matt_Pinner My husband.

Name one thing

@ronsterd89 A car with great trunk space.

What kind of car is this?

@bryster3413 But can you bounce a quarter off it?

Field day today

@miles_commodore And his golf swing still stinks.

I know Charles Barkley lost a lot of weight, but his jacket is too big. He looks like a little boy wearing his dad’s jacket.

@VNudnik @alt_w_v_g Not “a” rapist. “The” rapist. SNL joke. Therapist.

@LizardW7 @alt_w_v_g You could find a rapist cheaper than that

Let my analyst sit in on the investment committee call today He asked three times I said no twice He promised complete silence and said he'd hide in the corner He showed up anyway Sat in the corner Legal pad on his knee Third iced coffee in his hand I gave him three rules Do not speak Do not breathe loudly Do not make eye contact with anyone on the screen He nodded The call started Our PE sponsor opened with "walk us through the bridge" I walked them through the bridge The analyst was writing so fast his pen was shaking The operating partner said "what's driving the miss in Q1" I said "timing on two projects that pushed to Q2" The analyst nodded I told him not to do that He mouthed "sorry sir" The MD asked about headcount I said "we're addressing it" The analyst's pen stopped First time all call He looked at me I didn't look back The MD said "how many" I said "enough to close the gap" The pen started again Slower this time The MD asked where we land on adjusted EBITDA after the changes I said the number The pen broke He switched to a backup pen He brought a backup pen I could hear it scratching from across the room He underlined something four times Call ended in 38 minutes He stood up Said "thank you sir" and walked out Accidentally left his notebook on the floor I opened it Page one Three bullet points - People costs bad - EBITDA good - Adjusted EBITDA better That was it 38 minutes of discussion Six executives on the call Summarized in eight words More accurate than most board decks I've read I have four meetings tomorrow morning that aren't on anyone's calendar yet The analyst doesn't know that But he summarized it perfectly This kid might be ready for his second adjective Sent from my iPhone

@Strandjunker It wasn’t a joke. The question was stupid and the President gave him a good example of a surprise attack. It’s history. Deal with it.

When the Japanese live translation goes silent because the translators are too stunned to repeat your Pearl Harbor “joke” to the Japanese PM, you’ve officially reached a new level of diplomatic failure. Those seconds of silence were the most honest reaction of the day.

@jamestalarico You are a big fake.

The President of the United States said I insulted Jesus. You want to know what insults Jesus? Kicking the sick off their healthcare. Bombing schoolchildren in Iran. Deporting moms and babies. Covering up the Epstein files.

@danielsgoldman Go suck a lemon.

Today, I exposed an unredacted email that clearly shows Trump has been lying about his connections to Jeffrey Epstein. There's no reason this should have been redacted, which is exactly why I showed it. Pam Bondi and Donald Trump: The gig is up. Release all the files. Now.

@cooneycongress You’re already lying and you’re not in office yet.

I prosecuted the Proud Boys and the Oath Keepers, and then Donald Trump himself. One week after he took office again, he fired me. Now I’m running for Congress to defend our democracy and restore the rule of law.

@Maga4liberty Have you asked if Omar should continue wearing her hijab?

🙏BE HONEST : SHOULD KAROLINE LEAVITT AND PAM BONDI CONTINUE WEARING THE CROSS IN PUBLIC???

@PoliticalStacy Gee, I’ll bet beating on an infant makes him feel like a real man.

I want this man publicly executed in the slowest, most painful way imaginable. Pure evil.

@VNudnik @alt_w_v_g I’ll take the rapist for $600, Alex.

@alt_w_v_g Gotta be honest…. When you said your “analyst” I thought you had your therapist sitting in🤣

@Matt_Pinner 3 chances. Not now. Not ever. Never.

What are the chances you'd vote for Gavin Newsom for President in 2028? (0-100) 🤔

@wakeupusa Where was your outrage when the Black Panthers stood outside Philadelphia voting places?

Senator Elissa Slotkin warns that the Trump Administration will place ICE agents at polling stations across the country for the midterms. Thoughts?

@Amososime @joncoopertweets It wasn’t a joke. It was a fact.

@joncoopertweets How uncomfortable the Japanese PM and her entourage would have felt. How could he joke with such a very sensitive topic whose history holds memories of anguish and pain

I can’t believe that Trump just joked about Pearl Harbor while sitting next to Japan’s prime minister at the White House. What an absolute embarrassment!

@joncoopertweets Really? It was a stupid question and President Trump’s answer was a good example. Are you trying to rewrite history?

@RestrictedDaily The Man from Atlantis.

Watching this old Taco Bell commercial from the 70s… there’s a face in here that looks way too familiar. I know I’ve seen him somewhere, just can’t place it.

@_TruthZone_ Genes.

How is this possible????? 😳

@PattyMurray Really? And yet it was recently reported in Philadelphia newspapers that an illegal voted FIVE TIMES in elections.

The average person is more likely to be struck by lightning than they are to commit voter fraud. Seriously. That's a real stat. I'm voting NO on the SAVE America Act.