Screwjack

A string walks into a bar. Bartender points at a sign. Sign says no strings. String leaves. Ties himself into a knot, musses his hair up a bit. String walks back into the bar and orders a drink. Bartender asks aren’t you that string? String says I’m a frayed knot.

@RoadLife2022 @rawsalerts They should have taken the lead out of paint sooner I think.

@rawsalerts Hey they fled from Texas to Illinois, that makes it a federal case. They are also being harbored by Pritzker, which makes him an accessory to the crime and guilty of harboring fugitives from the law.

🚨#BREAKING: The FBI has now been directed to assist in the apprehension of Democratic lawmakers who fled Texas to block a controversial vote.

@mindak67 @deadbats2024 @Angry_Staffer Have you been drinking salt?

This is pretty fucking insane.

@GailSimone Everyone knows Roger doesn’t have the authority to fire you. It doesn’t mean shit until Pete says you’re fired.

Goddammit, Roger Daltrey fired me from the Who again. HOW ARE THEY GOING TO DO THE KAZOO SOLO ON WON'T GET FOOLED AGAIN.

@GailSimone @FDMovie I shouldn’t have watched it. I will be frozen in place at work tomorrow looking around the jobsite for all the ways to die.

I love the Final Destination movies, all of them. It’s one of my favorite franchises. The newest one is one of the best. Smart, scary, and funny. @FDMovie

@LucasSa56947288 The republicans did the same thing to my state years ago. The republicans rigged the game first. If they want to play that way they can’t cry about turnabout.

I’m hearing that Gavin Newsom is reportedly eyeing a 52–0 Democratic map for California. If this is true, would you support this move by the governor of California?

@GailSimone I didn’t know writing comics paid well enough to hire someone just to butter bread. Sweet gig.

Joe is having a special day.

@smalls2672 @unusual_whales For profit concentration camps of course.

@unusual_whales And put them where?

BREAKING: White House says Trump to sign order pushing cities and states to remove homeless people from streets.

@RepKiley Good. That’s exactly what the republicans did to Missouri years ago. Don’t be pissed off when the democrats learn your dirty tricks and are better at them.

Governor Newsom is plotting to abolish California's voter-approved Citizens Redistricting Commission, seize its powers for himself, and relegate Republicans to just 3 congressional seats out of 52. It would be the single most corrupt act in our state's history.

@thewytzeh @TheNBACentel She didn’t wear that shirt.

@TheNBACentel With all due respect. These women shouldn’t wear these shirts. Why? Because the NBA pays for the WNBA. It’s like asking for a raise at a company with no profit whatsoever. Pointless.

Caitlin Clark’s shirt: “I DESERVE NBA MONEY” 👀

@EverythingDCU_ @CBSMornings Yeah he’s a moron. The guy with the bow and arrow still matters no matter how strong Superman is. James Gunn always makes me puke.

James Gunn says “I didn’t want a Superman so powerful in DCU that a guy with bow and arrow didn’t matter” 👀 (Via @CBSMornings )

@ratdog73 @WoodyWoodcaster When you have a WoodyWoodcaster it does.

@WoodyWoodcaster Of course at my age getting a woody doesn’t happen every day. 😬

@WoodyWoodcaster Oh yeah!

@phn16 Haha. Jar Jar Russel.

@JeffreyBrower1 Happy birthday

I guess I’ve been 53 for about 47 minutes. I don’t know what time of day I was born.

@NewsHour A gunshot wound? Just one?

Russian’s transport minister was found dead from a gunshot wound in an apparent suicide, investigators said Monday — news that broke hours after the Kremlin announced he had been dismissed by President Vladimir Putin. to.pbs.org/3IeHQJK

@atrupar Haha. It’s all the same letter. All of the countries are going to have a nice laugh with one another as they show off their copy of this ridiculous piece of paper.

these letters are embarrassing even by Trump's lofty standards

@VoteHarrisOut There are plenty of court documents detailing Trump raping underaged girls. This info was available before you voted for Trump the second time. It doesn’t really matter what you say, you voted for a pedophile and if you didn’t know it’s because you didn’t want to.

@MJPiazza2 It took me a while to get into the way it was written. I powered through and ultimately enjoyed the book.

Five pages into Dracula and so far it reads like one of those recipe blogs

@built4america @realDonaldTrump Missouri labor union texted me yesterday begging me to call my congressman because your big bullshit bill is going to cost my state tens of thousands of jobs. You’re fucking our eyeballs out and telling us how great it is. Eat shit

Trump Country is BOOMING. We're building, hiring, and winning because energy tax credits put America First. New factories. Good-paying jobs. America's comeback depends on OUR energy. President @realDonaldTrump: Keep what works. 🇺🇸

@JeffreyBrower1 Good deal man. You will be back to your old self in no time.

The kid stays in the picture. The folks at Piedmont are awesome. Already feel like dancing.