Black Country Byrhtnoth

@ThatBloke_Jesus Whatever it is. Bet you nailed it!

You won’t believe what I have to do today LOL!

@StansaidAirport @WhiteHouse Lots of fuel to get those KitKats into orbit

@WhiteHouse Is it carrying the Epstein files?

ARTEMIS II HAS LAUNCHED 🚀 GODSPEED. 🇺🇸

@bushontheradio Syd Barrett?

What will the crew of Artemis 2 find on the dark side of the moon?

@UKLabour @Jay10_6 April Fool?

Labour will always defend British interests abroad and stand up for you at home.

@RosieDuffield1 @PascalGrenewic @bindelj Surely theysticles is safer

@PascalGrenewic @bindelj 'Lady Balls', 'Hersticles', 'Shebollox'? We must rename those men's parts however we are dictated to it seems...(Except of course we will not, and men like that can eff completely off).

A snippet from legal letter no 2: 'On or about March 31, 2026, you, Julie Bindel, published an additional post on X (formerly Twitter) in which you referred to the Complainant using degrading and gendered language (“Wax My Balls”) and attached the Complainant’s photograph.'

@paddypower Managing our expectations down for summer.

Watching England friendlies should be recognised by medical authorities as a scientific cure for insomnia.

@MartinKnight_ Probably just had the Munchies after a toot on a Rolo. What a flake

The KitKat heist is no longer the topic of the day. Finding the culprits will be no picnic. But if a bounty is offered who knows?

@Joanna__Hardy @DavidMuttering Out of practice since the Inn’s Got Talent dinners faded away?

@brythnoth2 @DavidMuttering Barristers are so bad at singing.

There’s a bouncer outside the Chancery Lane karaoke bar. It’s 17:50pm on a Tuesday.

@KarlTurnerMP @MarcherReborn Don’t worry. There’ll be a U turn on it soon.

I am being told that I have had the whip suspended but I have not had any notification from the whips about this. It seems journalists have been told but I have not.

@DavidMuttering @Joanna__Hardy How bad must the singing be?

@Joanna__Hardy It's to keep people in

@thesundaysport How now Nick Brown cow?

Won't see him again. 'Andy's gone to live on a farm'

@GeoffNorcott Ham, orange pretend cheese and microplastics- yum

I think I might be in the process of making the worst ever sandwich. Wanted to share the moment 🙏

@KITKAT Anyone fingered for the theft?

Regarding recent press coverage

@SeabrookCrisps Hedgehog hopefully

Can you guess which flavour’s coming back next month?

@reallyslack Corned beef, pickles, aioli and ketchup

I'm bereft of ideas on the sarnie front today. Thoughts, anyone.

@MikePetalengro @rambling1diot If he’s not been to the outskirts of Birmingham and the nearby shires he won’t have a clue

@rambling1diot It's going to be fucking awful

I’ve never heard of this Stephen Colbert cunt, before. Why the fuck is he getting to write a Lord of the Rings film? The fuckers could’ve asked me.

@Peter88902568 #windmiliband

Ed Miliband Watching a Wind Turbine Mince a Falcon, 2026 (colourised).

@ProudofusUK We should never let the history of pencils be erased

One storm. One fallen tree. One field in the Lake District. ✏️ The entire global pencil industry. There is a field in the Lake District. Nothing remarkable about it. Fell sheep, grey sky, Cumbrian rain. Until one day a storm came through. It uprooted a tree and underneath the roots was something nobody had ever seen before. A black substance. Soft, dark, left a mark on everything it touched. The shepherds didn't know what it was, but they used it to mark their sheep. That was 1565. It was the purest deposit of graphite ever found on earth. The only one like it. Ever. 🌍 Word spread fast. The Crown seized the mine, put armed guards on the fell and flooded it between diggings to keep the price high. Stealing graphite became a criminal offence. Punishable by transportation to Australia. Because this wasn't just for marking sheep. It was perfect for lining cannonball moulds. It made England's cannonballs rounder. Faster. More deadly. ⚔️ England had a pencil monopoly for nearly a century. Every artist, every cartographer, every engineer in Europe. All of them wanted what was in that one Cumbrian field. Slowly, workshops appeared in nearby Keswick. Cottage industries. Families cutting graphite into sticks. Wrapping them in string. Then sheepskin. Then wood. The pencil was born. ✏️ In a Cumbrian field. Because a storm uprooted a tree. There is still a pencil factory in Keswick today. On the same site it has always been. Did you know that? These islands have thousands of stories the world has forgotten. We find them. We tell them. We put them in front of millions. You help us make that possible. Be Part Of Us. Be Proud Of Us. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇬🇧 proudofus.co.uk

@crit_gen Time flies by there. #HMHB

In order to repair the Anglo American relationship may I suggest Trumpton?

@Rozpusteny @TheMossadIL Another one killed by death

@TheMossadIL There are no virgins in Heaven since 28 December 2015.

Message to the jihadists. Chuck Norris is in heaven. There are no more virgins.