Taxman

@lennylaw Definitely, it’s the highlight of the day

Are we all celebrating the Easter Sunday tradition of calling Jacob Rees-Mogg a twat?

@monstroso Happy egg day

Happy Easter.

@justinmmathews @DD_Geopolitics Yesterday, tomorrow and not at all

@DD_Geopolitics I’m confused as to when europe should have joined?

🇺🇸🇮🇷 The Trump Timeline: 🔸️Jan 18: “Iranian patriots, help is coming. We are moving in.” 🔸️Feb 28: “We are launching the decisive operation. It will be very fast.” 🔸️Mar 2: “We will win easily.” 🔸️Mar 3: “We have won the war.” 🔸️Mar 7: “We defeated Iran.” 🔸️Mar 9: “Strike Iran. The war is almost over—clean and decisive.” 🔸️Mar 12: “We have won, but not completely yet.” 🔸️Mar 13: “We won the war again.” 🔸️Mar 14: “We need help to open the strait.” 🔸️Mar 15: “If you don’t help, I will remember it.” 🔸️Mar 16: “We actually don’t need help—I was testing loyalty. If NATO doesn’t help, consequences will follow." 🔸️Mar 17: “We don’t need NATO help and don’t want it. No Congress approval needed to exit NATO.” 🔸️Mar 18: “Allies must cooperate to open the Strait of Hormuz.” 🔸️Mar 19: “US allies must step up and help open the strait.” 🔸️Mar 20: “NATO is cowardly. We may phase this out.” 🔸️Mar 21: “We don’t use the strait. Others need it, not us.” 🔸️Mar 22: “Final warning. Iran has 48 hours. Iran is finished.” 🔸️Mar 23: “One more week, then we bomb power plants.” 🔸️Mar 24: “The war is nearing its end.” 🔸️Mar 25: “We are negotiating with Iran.” 🔸️Mar 26: “Iran is begging for peace. They gave us a gift. We delay strikes on power plants.” 🔸️Mar 27: “I and the Ayatollah will jointly manage the Strait of Hormuz.” 🔸️Mar 28: “Regime change has occurred in Iran.” 🔸️Mar 29: “Negotiations with Iran are going extremely well.” 🔸️Mar 30: “We are prepared to destroy Iran’s oil and energy infrastructure and occupy Kharg Island.” 🔸️Mar 31: “We are ready to end the war without opening the strait.” 🔸️Apr 1: “War ends in 3 days. We will bomb them for 2–3 weeks back into the Stone Age.” 🔸️Apr 2: “We destroyed three major bridges. Why haven’t they called us yet?”

@shitbritishpics Richard Keys (Left)

Richard Keys, new Sky Sports presenter with a life size Bart Simpson (1991)

@CalWoman1943 @El_Polacy @BrandonStraka As a Devonian I can assure you that’s a lie. Good luck with your illegal war

@El_Polacy @BrandonStraka My last is traced back to Devon under Henry VIII. You are bigot and disgusting human being.

Victor Davis Hanson: "Europeans made a terrible mistake by denying us airspace ... All we wanted was NATO privileges, given we're the greatest provider of NATO services."

@NickSwistak @Lance91111 @GuntherEagleman Please don’t burden them with facts

@Lance91111 @GuntherEagleman But aren’t you using uk airbases ?

I don’t want my taxpayer money going to NATO! It’s useless. Spain, England, France and Italy sold us out. Time to leave! Not another penny.

One of my favourites from JeThRo At the end of the tax year the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?" "Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles." "Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?" "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of matzo balls.” "I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?" "Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."

@robprogressive How’s your dad? Any better

I went into Pret-a-Manger in London to buy my breakfast & was shocked Handed over a tenner & the server took 30 seconds to check it for being fake. I said to him, ‘do you get a lot of fake money here’? And he said, ‘you would be shocked… Not only do we get a lot of fake money, but people start fights with us when we check money. So now we have to wear body cams’. Body cams in fucking Pret-a-Manger for buying toasties & coffee. This is the real state of London and the UK. This is not doom mongering, this is the reality & it’s getting worse

@ScottBa38985893 @JoanneP65 I agree, Andrew is a peado

@JoanneP65 The queen was magical, deserving and beloved. So sad she was saddled with such a son.

I was a Royalist I thought our Queen & family were magical I’ve attended every wedding including & since Charles and Diana I camped overnight in The Mall to watch the procession of Queen Elizabeth II funeral. King Charles III needs to abdicate He is a traitor of the people.

@TerribleMaps Lymington / IoW could do well

Big opportunity for Spain to charge €2 million per ship here

@TheShedOfDreams @donmcgowan Nothing wrong with podcasts, I’m just pointing out that you are disagreeing with Farage Nigel “we are the only political party that produces its own podcast” You “Labour has several”

@spartaargyle @donmcgowan No. I'm pointing out that Donny is once more talking bollocks. What is wrong with podcasts?

Except for the Green Party. You can't even lie about that properly. Reform is unravelling. Also, we know that this is just a blatant attempt to circumvent Ofcom. Again.

@TheShedOfDreams @donmcgowan So you’re agreeing that Nigel is also wrong

@donmcgowan 10 seconds of research demonstrates that Labour has several podcasts 🤦‍♂️ More moronic drivel from Donny.

Aye. 35 years ago I was in Gibraltar and we went over to La Linea and watched all the processions. The Spaniards don’t fuck about. As the main tableau went past my very refreshed mate was buying fistfuls of industrial-strength bongo mags from a roadside kiosk. Very religious.

@AndieG99 @TrueSlazac Actually it was worse She killed the male teachers wife and baby independent.co.uk/news/double-ki…

@spartaargyle @TrueSlazac If this is true, you win 😬😬😬

What was “the incident” at your high school?

@lennylaw Weighed 3 tonne and lasted 1 1/2 hours

The same bike light that I had twenty years later. They were useless but did at least sort of give some indication to motorists that there was someone coming on a cycle. Compare to modern LED lights - orders of magnitude more powerful and making cycling at night so much safer.

@nalaknip @riffraffhands She never said anally unless it was his birthday

Tatarstan. That’s what Hilda used to say to him every time she went to work.

@NinoFromCanada @Lucy_Worsley And discuss behind the scenes on Minder

@Lucy_Worsley Mary I, so we can have a Bloody Mary cocktail together and talk behind her half-sister's back.

Something rather large is coming 👀 I’m not yet allowed to tell you what! But if you enjoy a good story (especially one involving kings, queens, & a few surprises), keep an eye out tomorrow! For now: 👑 If you had to pick one monarch to spend the day with, which one would it be?

@SaucySeventies Confessions of a barman

Cocktail the movie. Mrs Saucy was in that film, here's a picture of her with Tom Cruise.

@LeeAndersonMP_ Are you the “Shadow” Reform leader?

A Beautiful Day... Down in Clacton visiting the Clacton-on-Sea branch of the People's Army who are preparing for battle in May's local elections. We will take our country back 🇬🇧🇬🇧