Patrick Harris

You drop some salt on the street and then it’s hmmm no snow there And then you drop some salt on the ribeye and it’s hmmm tastier steak

Going on month 6 of being an over-the-ear headphones guy since losing my AirPods in the trash. Ask me anything, 🧵…

@jsthots1 @Mike_kim714 Maybe next time pal

@Mike_kim714 132

Final US Open giveaway. You get this duffle bag, my US open credentials, a pair of my Footjoy premier shoes that I’ll sign (worn during my titleist shoot) Winner is first person to guess my locker number this week. 1-200 No cheating! Some of you asked insiders to look my locker number up 😂

Treating tonight’s @Costco run as my legacy-defining game 7 before these tariffs blow my back out

@notgnatalie A man’s inner canal is not for the world to see!

Zoom to see my boyfriend’s earwax in breathtaking 4k

I just got #ordained online as a minister of the Universal Life Church! ulc.org via @ulcmonastery

He’s back.

Can’t get anyone to see the Brutalist with me 😔

@USAA_help Sure, would make sense if it was a 10-15% or even 25% increase in pricing. But 50%…. Given this was my 2nd billing cycle, seems like clear predatory pricing. Offer customers below market rates, and then jack up once acquired, with no acknowledgement that the OG rate was a promo

@patrickfharris (2/2) These rate increases help ensure that we have enough funds to cover future, anticipated claims. That being said, I will happily submit member feedback on your behalf regarding rates in your area if you PM me with the email and ph# associated to your USAA account. -KR

@USAA you raised my 6 mos. car insurance premiums from $1,200 to $1,800. Same car, same coverage, same state, no accidents. Is there any other industry where you can hike subscription costs by 50% within 6 mos. without any change in service, customer exp, etc.? @USAA_help

@jsthots1 @getnickwright He’s just regurgitating facts

@getnickwright As if this guy could get any worse

Last 10 years: World Series Appearances: Royals: 2 Yankees: 0 World Series Titles: Royals: 1 Yankees: 0 Last 20 Years: World Series Appearances: Royals: 2 Yankees: 1 World Series Titles: Royals: 1 Yankees: 1 Just saying!

He may win by 10 this weekend

@HeroDividend @Naterade0

My grandma always makes me do the dishes after Easter lunch She will be so happy to see that I cleaned her dirty old pan

@Naterade0 Bad take!

Say what you will about San Francisco, the airport is fantastic

If you got on the elevator after me, I have right of way to get off before you. Enough already

@WSJBrad Like an indecent proposal

How does it feel to be the prettiest girl in this entire Waffle House?

@Naterade0 Same page about what? Littering??

Put some extra napkins in the glove box of the loaner car I'm using today while mine is in the shop. Remember folks, we're all on the same team.

Me, still physically sound, as I slowly feel the food poisoning come on after trying a new Chinatown spot for lunch

Grow up, Bill.

@WSJBrad Use of palpable here doesn’t feel right

The influx of summer interns is palpable in Friday night lower Manhattan