durnt

When your kids turn out exactly the way you raised them 🥹

@TheK_Nox Middle aged Asian dad 😂

Middle aged dads really have the biggest calves

@MustardFren One of your weird female mutuals lol

@durnt Appreciate you brother, I'll get to the mustard I promise

First date status: completed While the date went extremely well, I can't lie to my followers and friends. I dropped the ball. I failed to even utter the word "mustard" one time on this date. All that big talk about deftly applying mustard to a corndog? I guess I'm not the alpha I presented myself as. But the date went well, anon. She's not completely my type physically but she works out and she's skinny, which is a big deal nowadays. We peddled around a local attraction for a couple hours then she mentioned she's never been to a Waffle House. (A yankee, bless her heart). Now you may not know this but younger Mustard had a strict policy that all second dates must be at the Waffle House. I didn't want a girl too good for the Awful Waffle. I smoothly said, "I don't know how you think this is going but I'd definitely take you to the Waffle House after this." And so we did. The Waffle House was empty with only the stoned black waitresses working. They would slip out to the parking lot to smoke with the drug dealer parked out front. We had screened each other as right leaning Christian conspiritards before meeting. I know that's a major red flag but she's, dare I say it, based. Never owned a TV, doesn't like NATO, voted for Trump but is disappointed in his current term. She's a little out there with astrology and moon phases or whatever (idk I was thinking about my waffle at this point), but if I had to bet she is J pilled. I put the likelihood that she is a fed at about 33%. If you believe she is a fed please reply "fed", thanks. I do believe I like her and I will only delete this tweet if the feeling isn't returned. Date 2 will involve mustard, that I promise all you loyal believers.

@abysstoabyss I believe myself to be avant-garde enough to wear these even to the Mecca of suburbia: Costco. Please be kind 🫣

late stage capitalism this late stage capitalism that can we talk about the absurdity of popularizing an avante garde silhouette in such a way that it ends up on lovely gen x women who innocently wear it with a sweater not understanding they are engaging in a devastating deconst

@MillerDakotaJ 15 is old enough TO babysit

When I was 8 (and even younger) I could say home all day by myself in the summer. I was allowed to go play with my friends and the rule was that I’m home when the street lights are on. Last year I had to babysit a 15 year old for a friend because it would be considered child endangerment to leave her home alone. At 15 I would stay home for weeks during football camp while my family went to the beach.

@Corbienest Everything was kinda ok until those caterpillar lashes 

If someone came to me with this I would be like, thank you so much I can’t afford to participate in your wedding 😭

@RasmussenT56381 Congratulations!

Our sweet kitty and I are both growing little miracles in our bellies! ❤️ Soon we’ll be snuggling tiny kittens, and this fall we’ll be welcoming a precious new baby — our 4th child — into our family. Our hearts are so full and grateful. What a beautiful season of love this is.🥳❤️

@Alt_Azn I dare her to ride the bus anywhere! Hypocrite!

Asian woman mad that we live in a system where Asians are by far the least cited for fare evasion but disproportionately the victims of violent crime on public transportation. Why are second generation Asian bitches so fucking stupid?

@WongEXE___ From a dai pai dong in HK… I don’t even think that world exists anymore

Just order this dish once and your opinion will forever change. It is delicious and no it does not reek,

@MisterClimber @yoseyop This is the best place for that!

@MisterClimber @yoseyop I didn’t know you were on here!

@KatiesDisorder Boys/men go by rules & less feeling when it comes to clothes. The brooch, purse, and shoes push the whole outfit into classy party category. BUT, black tie used to mean tux, no tails, for 🚹 & long dresses, but not ball gowns, for 🚺. I’d check with the couple on what they meant

Im going to a black tie wedding i found this entire outfit today, my son said I look like im going to a funeral what do you think? I dont really do dresses and heels 😕

@DigitalFringed1 I saw the Wilde ones at Costco yesterday and thought of you 🫠

Quest Chips tier list!! Don't waste your time trying them all I did the work for you You're welcome

@JulieChangRE I LOVE this place but he is absolutely right on every point.

Newport Beach megachurch - Fashion Island mall 😂 Is he right?

Skill issue

@Doc_Red_ I’m a middle aged, Asian SAHM, no one else is picking out my groceries for me lol

Do you buy groceries or order them to your door?

@RasmussenT56381 There’s a kid I work with privately. We used to take a break at the half hour mark and he’ll have his processed carb snack. I phased it out without telling the parents 🤫

Snack culture for children has gotten completely out of hand. My daughter goes to a one-hour gymnastics class with a break in the middle, and everyone eats snacks during that break. Since when can't kids do sports for just one hour without needing snacks?

@Ohlala The idea is great. The execution is not.

Please reconsider

@WongEXE___ I’ve looked up how to create rice flavors in ice cream for my Creami and it’s so so complicated. Like it’s an aroma, not a flavor. If you develop a recipe I want it!

Speaking of ice cream, these were worth it. Mango Sticky Rice - 8.5/10 Strong mango flavor Slight hints of coconut Not a 9+ because you couldn’t taste any hints of sticky rice. They should have made this flavor mango mochi and included mochi bites in it and it’d be a 10/10. Buttermilk Berry Cornbread - 9/10 Good amount of berry swirl, but needed a bit more. Cornbread crumbles were just right and perfect complimentary texture. Ice cream base was good.

Someone from my gym just told me when he was prepping for a body building show, he ate a whole bag of Costco celery just to feel full.