redyellowgreendance 💃🏻

25.4K posts

redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 banner
redyellowgreendance 💃🏻

redyellowgreendance 💃🏻

@RYGdance

Mom to two hilariously quotable boys. Link to my tweets: https://t.co/fEivqY0S59

Beigetreten Nisan 2020
869 Folgt3.8K Follower
Angehefteter Tweet
redyellowgreendance 💃🏻
Me: <Face ID attempt> Phone: “Who the F are you?” Me: <sprinkles sleep crust across eyelids, pulls 27 frizzy strands out of bun, executes quadruple chin> Phone: “Oh it’s you, come on in”
English
12
39
184
15.7K
redyellowgreendance 💃🏻
Parenting is full of wondrous surprises, like when your 10 yr old asks you “Want me to show you how to get out of handcuffs?”
English
4
1
13
198
redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 retweetet
Matty
Matty@bestestname·
Why would you even leave milkshake in the yard
English
73
220
1.5K
28.2K
ItWorked
ItWorked@JamtaayKa·
@RYGdance Winning argument. What are you naming it?
English
1
0
1
8
redyellowgreendance 💃🏻
Latest reason my son says we should get a turtle: “They don’t even pee or poop”
English
2
4
20
735
your other mom
your other mom@difficultpatty·
Two field trips this week. Pray for me.
English
26
7
148
2K
Hollie Harris
Hollie Harris@allholls·
*taking a quiz* Quiz: Do you experience unexplained anger? *sees my kids arguing and making a huge mess while my husband brings dirty cups and dishes from his office, places them on the counter, and walks away* Me: No, it's very much explained.
English
5
13
102
2K
redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 retweetet
⚡︎
⚡︎@_sorrengailll·
When I say Bed Bath and Beyond just know I’m talking about Bath and Body Works.
English
241
6.3K
55.5K
773.8K
redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 retweetet
parks
parks@parkersity_9·
Doctors' offices are like: “Show up 15 minutes early so the doctor can see you 45 minutes late."
English
78
351
4.8K
54.9K
redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 retweetet
𝕊𝕥𝕖𝕝𝕪𝕟𝕟𐮜
“Don’t overthink it.” Okay what else am I supposed to do.
English
12
37
117
2.2K
redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 retweetet
Dad and Buried
Dad and Buried@DadandBuried·
Email: Happy to jump on a quick call if you prefer! Me: THERE IS LITERALLY NO SITUATION IN WHICH A PHONE CALL IS PREFERABLE
English
5
5
40
1.7K
redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 retweetet
Shannon
Shannon@gardengirl125·
Made a lot of mistakes in my life but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for has never been one of them.
English
50
40
761
7.2K
redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 retweetet
Dadman Walking
Dadman Walking@dadmann_walking·
Starbucks implies the existence of stardoe
English
6
8
87
1.6K