redyellowgreendance 💃🏻

Me: <Face ID attempt> Phone: “Who the F are you?” Me: <sprinkles sleep crust across eyelids, pulls 27 frizzy strands out of bun, executes quadruple chin> Phone: “Oh it’s you, come on in”

Parenting is full of wondrous surprises, like when your 10 yr old asks you “Want me to show you how to get out of handcuffs?”

@bestestname @GinRumMe And then all the boys came to the yard to admire it

@RYGdance @GinRumMe Maybe it started out as a sundae

Why would you even leave milkshake in the yard

@JamtaayKa Robot turtle?

@RYGdance Winning argument. What are you naming it?

Latest reason my son says we should get a turtle: “They don’t even pee or poop”

@karinagw No sh&t (pun intended)

@RYGdance A friend of mine had a free-roaming turtle. Your son has been misinformed.

Two field trips this week. Pray for me.

*taking a quiz* Quiz: Do you experience unexplained anger? *sees my kids arguing and making a huge mess while my husband brings dirty cups and dishes from his office, places them on the counter, and walks away* Me: No, it's very much explained.

@allholls Yeah there’s no mystery here

@jenniferlevy @_sorrengailll 👊🏻

@_sorrengailll @RYGdance I feel seen

When I say Bed Bath and Beyond just know I’m talking about Bath and Body Works.

Doctors' offices are like: “Show up 15 minutes early so the doctor can see you 45 minutes late."

“Don’t overthink it.” Okay what else am I supposed to do.

@_sorrengailll @momTruthBomb Same for me with Star Wars/Star Trek

@DadandBuried Always unhappy to hop on any call

Email: Happy to jump on a quick call if you prefer! Me: THERE IS LITERALLY NO SITUATION IN WHICH A PHONE CALL IS PREFERABLE

Made a lot of mistakes in my life but adding more cheese than a recipe calls for has never been one of them.

Starbucks implies the existence of stardoe