JRGin

What we really need is wider and shorter plates of nachos. No more tall towers of chips and toppings. Spread the toppings across a larger area and cover all the chips, not just the top layer. Stand with me.

Screenshotting every food delivery cart and texting friends “is this a good deal or what.”

Replying to all office emails with “@grok is this true?”

*wakes up and opens phone* now what?

Why would you even leave milkshake in the yard

Hits pause to see what movie I picked a minute ago

Me: It’s not expired. It’s “best if used by” Kid: Is this what life was like during the Great Depression?

But they’re my emotional support internet strangers

My friend… it’s gone!!! It was a good couple month run… So sad 😞

There has been a long strand of hair blowing in the wind on the tip of a tree branch I pass by on my daily walk. It’s been there for weeks. Several weeks. Maybe over a month at this point. How does that even happen?

If we can smell your perfume or cologne in traffic, you might have a problem.

Food television programming is the single best thing our species has ever done.

It's called a "comfort" zone for a reason, comfort is nice, stop trying to make us leave it

clothes don't have a gender, jobs don't have a gender, it's all whatever. get what you want, do what you want, love your life, eat the donut and call it a day

Gonna start selling my cat’s feet pics on the internet

I was watching a show called "Ten Ways to Avoid a Shark Attack." Surprisingly, "Stay Out of the Water" didn't make the list.

What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast? A synonym roll.

You can’t hurt me I used to get my school clothes from Kmart.

FACT: Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have the same middle name.

The job of the box set is to protect the books. The box set doesn't care if you read the books. In fact, the box set would prefer that you move along.

One expresso shot expressly of espresso, stat.

Dancing is indoor running with booze