MediaOffScript

Day 1 of quitting alcohol, weed, gambling, gay porn, gas station boner pills, peptides, fake business courses, sports betting, racism, misogyny, conspiracy theories, alpha male podcasts, DoorDash, divorced moms, thirst traps, UFO rabbit holes, late-night Taco Bell, arguing with Trump supporters, calling everything “cap”, replying to bots on X, and lying to myself that I’m actually gonna change this time. A new era begins now

@RedTheRaider @MarioNawfal The funniest part is the U-Haul would’ve been called offensive until it became the solution

@MediaOffScript @MarioNawfal If I were the driver, I'd have told her I need to go get a U-Haul truck with a loading ramp in the back.

🇺🇸 After settling her lawsuit with Lyft, because a driver refused her a ride, Detroit rapper Dank Demoss skipped the app altogether and bought a van with a personal chauffeur.

@BicBoi069 @DougAMacgregor By applying Newton’s Third Law, every joke on the internet generates an equal and opposite guy explaining it

@MediaOffScript @DougAMacgregor Yeah if you grasp the speeds of objects in space, the acoustic energy released from an airburst is still massive even with a small mass. Energy= (1/2)mv², meaning high velocity matters much more than the object's mass. Not to mention the sonic boom.

BREAKING: Very large explosion heard throughout Boston, Massachusetts and surrounding areas. Cause unknown.

@alyssaxojd @DonDonson13 @matchahiho Ma’am, with all due respect you’ve never encountered the level of industrial grade hair I’m working with back there

@MediaOffScript @DonDonson13 @matchahiho Wax! It’s the easiest least painful to wax & it lasts weeks!

Gurlll, don't do this. Seriouslyyy

@_XAENITH_ @matchahiho Who the fuck took this picture of me?

@MediaOffScript @matchahiho men with hair asses, lol

@NAK29526908 @matchahiho My friend has ass hair not a commitment to competitive swimming

@MediaOffScript @matchahiho Atp I’d book a whole body wax treatment

@Negawz @matchahiho My friend said he’d rather keep the hair

@MediaOffScript @matchahiho Just have him sit on a fire for a few seconds

@DonDonson13 @matchahiho Appreciate it. My friend was seconds away from making a terrible decision.

@MediaOffScript @matchahiho Don't shave your ass. I tried it for efficient wiping and it was 2 before an art festival. Dude I have never had so much discomfort walking around. It's like you have sandpaper in between your ass cheeks every time you take a step and it lasts for like 3 days and nothing helps

@TiffanyFong Thank you for your service and sacrifices to our nation. 🫡🇺🇸

@0xToshio_O @matchahiho Leave him out of this. He’s been through enough

@MediaOffScript @matchahiho 无中生友是吧

@sophieraiin SalvageTitle. DamagedGoods. PreviouslyEnjoyed. HighMileage. FleetVehicle. NoWarranty. NeedsWork. SixHundredPreviousOwners. MotivatedSeller… Man these are too easy I can keep going for days

describe me in 1 word

@CultureCave_ About time I used to think she belonged to the streets

Taylor Swift is pregnant with her first child with Travis Kelce.

@ThePopPez @matchahiho This is my friend I was asking for. It totally wasn't for me I promise

@MediaOffScript @matchahiho 🤭

@Jonny5482 @DougAMacgregor NASA always knows exactly what’s happening as long as it hasn’t happened yet

@MediaOffScript @DougAMacgregor Nasa doesnt really know anything. They will tell us a meteor might hit 10 years from now but nothing if it actually hits lol

@BicBoi069 @DougAMacgregor “Probably” is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence. Small enough to miss every sensor, loud enough for half of Boston to hear it. Impressive

@MediaOffScript @DougAMacgregor It was probably small which is why it wasn't detected and didnt reach the ground

@charliesshamen @DougAMacgregor Don’t worry. Some guy named Randy already has three theories and a blurry screenshot

@MediaOffScript @DougAMacgregor Surely, someone be it Government,scientist,general public or witness can tell us wtf that was. Missile from Putin, space rock of some kind, whatever, someone has to know.

@GeorgeSPatton @DougAMacgregor I trust science. I don’t trust people who start every explanation with probably

@MediaOffScript @DougAMacgregor So, you don't trust science (fiction)?

@911medic4u @sentdefender The meteor reached Earth before the joke reached you

@MediaOffScript @sentdefender 235 million. So just a few shy of the hundreds of billion. For the other idiots, no it was not cut. Media off script? Where, you got the lying and exaggerating part right.

Reports over the last few minutes of a large explosion heard throughout Boston and several other townships in Eastern Massachusetts.

@matchahiho Is there anywhere that does this for men with hairy asses? Asking for a friend

@RadioGenoa After watching Paris celebrate a soccer win by setting random shit on fire, I don’t want to hear another word about American

Paris burns.