A Normal Mouse

@McDonaldsUK @McDonaldsUK what can I do more if twitter doesn't allow me to DM you anymore?

@McDonaldsUK Can't seem to DM you.

@McDonaldsUK so what do I do about ordering a Sausage and Egg mCuffin meal and when I get home I discovered that the hash brown was missing from the bag?

Years, literally years, I've waited for this little Junkbot to appear on #Taskmaster and he's finally found his way to the Caravan. I hope he's okay in there with all the spiders.

@pestwit @mralistairgreen My family has started individually wrapping the Cashew nuts which is really frustrating. The 3 year old had a proper meltdown as she couldn't get the sellotape off with her chubby fingers. Had to get the leatherman out. And have you seen the price of Marmite?

What’s everyone doing for power plant day? We never do much in our house so probably just a chilled one with family. Maybe a bond film in the afternoon with a bit of carrot cake. 👍

@anon_opin Correction. Ham and cheese toast toppers.

Pizza is the greatest food ever invented.

@tonypaulway Clearly a "378VL"

Settle a bet… Is this a table..?

@RocknMetal68 @anon_opin

@anon_opin If they're that flabby, then maybe they should be walking to school

I FAACKIN LUV MY KIDS SO MUCH, THAT'S WHY I DRIVE THE FLABBY LITTLE FAACKERS HALF A MILE TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY. NOT MY FACKIN FAULT THEY'VE GOT ASTHMA - ALL THE FACKIN KIDS AT THEIR SCHOOL HAVE GOT IT, FOR SOME REASON….

@fesshole Fuck you Lucy. Fuck you.

When the wife's at work I put the washing in together on a 40 quick wash, no one notices the difference, washing machine didn't explode, and it was done simply rather than 12 separate 4 hour washes, you're wrong Lucy. Obviously I can't tell you you're wrong, but you're wrong.

@massy240 @RAF_Luton Water looks calm. What on earth are you talking about?!

@RAF_Luton That’s a hurricane ?

Photo of the Day: The Spitfire is 100yrs old today! It first flew on the 30th Feb 1926 when Sqn Ldr Nottie Zactly-Trew flew from the Boeing factory in Bristol (Gloucestershire) to RAF Milton Keynes (Cambridgeshire) Happy Birthday #Spitfire90 Photographed from a Canberra

@malc_smith @anon_opin Yes

@anon_opin Trump? Andrew? Russia? Mrs Browns Boys?

We urgently need some new rules in place to prevent anything like this happening again

@brianofipswich @anon_opin That and his mom sexually assaulted him and then she's sexually assaulted by the bloke she lets clean her cars years later. While letting her son hang out with the local weirdo who goes dodgy dealings with bombers.

@anon_opin It’s a great little family film where two men cook up a plan for one of them to sexually assault a vulnerable woman and hope she’ll be so traumatised by it she’ll fall for the other man following a scripted rescue attempt. Such a wholesome movie.

Back to the Future is often cited as one of the few stories that does time travel well, but it's actually horrific. Marty returns to a completely different life, with essentially a different family, where all his childhood memories never happened.

@amateuradam Time to give him back the Prince title to make it more exciting? He was a Prince when he did whatever he's accused of.

WHAT'S THE BIGGEST FUCKING FONT WE'VE GOT, LADS?

@mralistairgreen @RupertLowe10 Can we all bring guns and have a go ourselves?

@RupertLowe10 Hi Rupert would this be public hanging like a medieval times type vibe where we can make a bit of a day of it or is it behind closed doors? Either way pretty exciting stuff. Also why was there a sausage roll in that video you posted? Thanks mate 🙏

A Restore Britain Government would hold a referendum on the reintroduction of the death penalty - for the most evil crimes, where the guilt is absolutely undeniable. Our members would be free to campaign how they choose in that referendum, but we believe that it should be put to the British people. I would personally be campaigning very much in favour. In my view, there is no absolutely zero benefit to keeping a monster like Axel Rudakubana alive. He butchered those beautiful young girls in cold blood. He does not deserve to live. Tragically, there are too many just like him. If the British people support the reintroduction of the death penalty in our referendum, a Restore Britain Government would put Rudakubana to death.

@birkonian "Pickles!"

If you've never seen Early Doors, you can atone by watching it on iPlayer. Then watch it again and again.

@gothamcapital1 @GavinNewsom *you're a

@GavinNewsom Your hero

No new funding. Kristi Noem must RESIGN. Greg Bovino must be FIRED. Suspend the LAWLESS mass deportation raids nationwide NOW — ICE is no longer just deporting dangerous criminals. Send the border patrol back to the border. End the militarization of ICE + the sick racial profiling. End the perverse cash incentives that are bounties to perpetrate Trump’s cruel agenda. Require thorough, real background checks for everyone, and 2+ years of training before even setting foot in the field. INVESTIGATE and PROSECUTE every single federal agent who is breaking the law.

@MagriTiger #flagwanker

Don't drive a car at police officers , don't bring a gun to a protest You wont get shot Crime has reduced 25% in US after deporting all the illegal immigrant criminals , who knew it would be that easy? #BBCLaurak

@DeniseRogalins1 @BBCBreaking So everyone with a gun is fair game? That's going to be wild what with your obsession with guns in the US of A.

@BBCBreaking The guy has a gun. Good for ICE I can't wait to see how much money President Trump gets from you. 🤣🤣

Person dies after being shot by federal immigration officers in Minneapolis, US, officials confirm bbc.in/4bAxb91

@JacksonvilleJKR @RAF_Luton Beans ON toast you numpty.

@RAF_Luton We haven't cared what you limey cucks think since 1776. Eat your beans and toast cuck boi. 🇺🇸

Fact of the Day: General Major Bonespurs meets members of the Household Cavalry who explain what a Front Line looks like to him as part of Operation Tangerine Micro-Mushroom and the 457 reasons why he needs to apologise Photographed from a Canberra

@theDigitalCCH @JohnCleese So the entire earth is a Hot Lava game? Wild

@ANormalMouse @JohnCleese All of it

This is insanity