Alex Leaf

Men don’t realise that this is a massive win for women.

One of the main loops that kills sex in long term relationships: He thinks sex creates the bond. She thinks the bond creates the sex. He’s waiting for sex to feel close again. She’s waiting to feel close again before sex sounds remotely appealing. Then both people start building a case about how victimized they are. He feels rejected, unwanted, starts pulling back. She feels emotionally abandoned, less safe, less attracted. He wants sex more because it feels like the only way back in. She wants it less because now it feels like pressure + childish demands, not connection. And no, the answer is not women performing sex they don’t want so men behave better. Why the fuck are these men even desiring that anyway? These are the same men who complain about starfish sex. My dude… what do you think you’re creating when you frame sex as a behavioral management tool instead of an actual exchange of energy? And to be fair, the answer is also not women treating sex like some optional decorative feature in a romantic relationship. Sex is not everything. But it is not nothing either. When it’s healthy, it’s part of the emotional and physical feedback loop between two people. When it becomes leverage, obligation, punishment, or neglect, the relationship is already on fragile ground. Sex is part of the bond for most men. Emotional connection is part of the arousal structure for most women. Ignore either side and the whole thing breaks. Yesterday I had men whining in my comments about dead bedrooms while completely missing their own contribution. It’s not always her fault that her body shuts down around you. A lot of these men are doing almost nothing to create the conditions where their wife would actually want them. And I get it. Rejection hurts. Especially when you don’t understand how female arousal works. But men lead. Men find solutions. If your whole strategy is complaining that she won’t open while you bring nothing but weak, whining, demanding energy, you’re not leading. You’re outsourcing the entire emotional climate to her and then resenting her when her body reflects it back to you. And yes, a lot of women need to understand that chronic rejection will make a man detach. But a lot of men need to understand that a woman’s desire usually dies when she feels unseen, criticized, neglected, or functionally alone.

Sex robots are going to be a perfect litmus test for emotionally underdeveloped men because any man who sees a sex robot as a “replacement” for women is telling on himself. He is admitting that what he wanted from women was never really a woman. It was simply access to sex without any type of responsibility towards another human. They basically admit that they cannot become the kind of man a real woman would actually want to choose, and they know it (probably while rationalizing that women are the problem), so they avoid that situation entirely. That is great information. It tells you everything you need to know about their views on women and relationships. His dream relationship is one where he gets sex, silence, obedience, and zero expectation of growth. He was never prepared for a real relationship with a woman.