The Dread Pirate Rowan

How my middle-aged brain does time: • “A couple of years ago” = approx 2015 onwards • “A few years ago” = this century • “A little while ago” 1990s • “Way back when I was in school” 1980s • “Ages ago” = some point between 1970 and 1990, can’t be more specific

@CharlesDagnall Not your most dignified moment!

Thank goodness someone was there to pull me out!!!

Up at the Oval to cheer on @surreycricket in the women’s @VitalityBlast final with the uni student formerly known as MiniSurreyFan. Hope @CharlesDagnall is ok after his energetic dive into the ball pit.

@ThatChris1209 @somersetbagpuss That’s a big nope from me!

God that is steep as hell, that’s exactly how I want a ground to look. Building out brings comfort, but building up builds atmosphere

@ask_aubry What should you do? Hmmm…

She means EX boyfriend, right?

@ADHDForReal Space fact 2: you can fit all of the other planets of the solar system between Earth and the Moon, but you have to tip Saturn a bit to get the rings in.

@ADHDForReal Although “you can’t go faster than the speed of light” is broadly true, the most distant reaches of the universe ARE moving away from us faster than light speed due to expansion. It is impossible for light from those stars ever to reach Earth, no matter how long it exists.

Anyone?

“I know what will make me hugely popular - rollerblading through London Bridge station at rush hour” - said no one* ever *(with more than 2 brain cells to rub together)

@ask_aubry Does… does she really think stars have a hole in the middle where the giant eyeball goes? Also, ‘planets don’t exist’ is asking for a ‘head rammed up Uranus’ joke and I’m not even a tiny bit sorry for my immaturity.

And they want to get rid of the department of education...

@ThatChris1209 Won’t the genetically engineered woolly elephants be scared of the genetically engineered woolly mice? Or have cartoons been lying to me all these years?

Cool! Next question: what the fuck are you talking about

@kaceygreen @ask_aubry Wasn’t it Ed Kemper who hung out at a local bar where police drank, and they all thought he was a nice bloke?

This is the same tired defense: “Well, he was nice to ME, so he couldn’t have been creepy to HER.” Newsflash: Creeps don’t act the same around everyone. The fact that OP didn’t clock this pattern across multiple women is the whole problem. If a woman had to call in backup because some guy wouldn’t take a hint, he wasn’t just socially awkward—he was ignoring boundaries. And the guy in the replies calling being labeled “creepy” a MASSIVE compliment? Bro, that’s not the flex you think it is. We saw this same nonsense during the MeToo movement—women defending powerful men because “he was always nice to me.” Yeah, well, you either weren’t his type, he was afraid of your man, or he was afraid of you.

"He was nice to me another dude, he couldn't have been creepy to her!" 🙄

@ask_aubry You can guarantee that if he HAD upset his wife by comparing her to ‘Vanessa’ he would have: 1) given it 2 weeks max before “are you STILL going on about it?!” 2) never reduced contact with Vanessa 3) doubled down with “maybe if you (…) I wouldn’t need to think about her”

If it wasn't this, he would have found something else. He just enjoys punishing his wife.

@Number10cat Is this because someone typo’d “praise the lard” and he just ran with it?

I know America doesn't have the best diet but here's the new Health Secretary congratulating a fast food chain for cooking their chips in SUET.

@dutchblendc @estherzelda0514 @ask_aubry And add, in a really patronising tone, “but I understand, I know you get irrational when it’s that time of the month”.

@estherzelda0514 @ask_aubry And when he gets upset tell him he's overreacting

Oh hell no

@ask_aubry Hey, this is so effective that he can repel women all around the world without even having to have nasty sinful contact first.

Born again virgins are hilarious.

@RuhoyMD Ah yes, the unholy trinity of dismissing women’s health concerns: - any form of mental health history - “could you be pregnant?” - “you probably just need to lose some weight”

@helenraw @ask_aubry Cackling at ‘storage flaps’. I had an ex who thought ‘flaps’ was a sexy word. And no. Just … no.

@AlternateRowan @ask_aubry It's exactly why they don't give us pockets. They think we are already overrun with storage flaps.

Do they think we have a cloaca?

@helenraw @ask_aubry I wouldn’t even be surprised if this was linked to why women’s clothes don’t have proper pockets.

@ask_aubry It's just one big hole. A big, all-encompassing hole that also has storage for your winter woollies. It's a fabulous invention with internal switches & apps - need blood to stop, flick the switch; need piss to flow, flick the other switch. Lovely stuff.

Using suicide as a threat IS ABUSE

@ask_aubry He won’t go in the kitchen because it’s gross. HOWEVER DID THAT HAPPEN?!?

She's a married single mom and he has shown his 10 Twitch followers are more important than his family.

@ask_aubry I’d put real money on this guy messaging women using that nauseating role play speak.

The entitlement of this dude