Amy Matthews

Here's a piece of literature by me, suitable for seventeen-year-olds in Alberta schools, unlike -- we are told -- The Handmaid's Tale. (Sorry, kids; your Minister of Education thinks you are stupid babies.) John and Mary were both very, very good children. They never picked their noses or had bowel movements or zits. They grew up and married each other, and produced five perfect children without ever having sex. Although they claimed to be Christian, they paid no attention to what Jesus actually said about the poor and the Good Samaritan and forgiving your enemies and such; instead, they practised selfish rapacious capitalism, because they worshipped Ayn Rand. (Though they ignored the scene in The Fountainhead where “welcomed rape” is advocated, because who wants to dwell, and also that would have involved sex and would de facto be pornographic. Well, it kind of is, eh?) Oh, and they never died, because who wants to dwell on, you know, death and corpses and yuk? So they lived happily ever after. But while they were doing that The Handmaid’s Tale came true and Danielle Smith found herself with a nice new blue dress but no job. The end.

@louisecollisny Is that Dior?

no mafin today but my humble brag is they are filming the devil wears prada 2 two blocks from my work

🦧An orangutan driving a golf cart, checking the rear-view mirror, being cautious, and slowing down

Last year, working in Ireland, having a pint in the cold outside a Dalkey pub with some new friends, a woman with purpose strode past us. Puffy parker zipped to the nape and her bowed head covered in a scarf. One of my new friends muttered an exclamation, jumped up

Proud of Elliott for writing his first article for @SIKids!

Probably the best thing you'll see today. In 2017, a group of developers hilariously competed for who could create worst volume control interface in the world. The results 🧵 1/22

@Sflecce This leaves students with almost no choices. A student that loves Music will almost never be able to take a second or third Music class now. And in the French Catholic system, they will literally have no room for an optional course until grade 12.

@Sflecce 1) education isn’t all about jobs 2) since students have full timetables in grade 9 and 10, which courses will you be suggesting they NOT take in order to fit this tech in? Music? Art? Business? There are lots electives, why are you prioritizing tech?

Where in the world are we going to get all these tech teachers when we already have a shortage??? Why are we taking more choice away from students?? #onted #osstf #yrdsb

@1StarAtaTyme Exactly what will the students drop from their Gr 9 or Gr 10 options? These students have so many requirements in Gr 9 & Gr 10! And what about the students in Catholic schools? Will they even have an elective? 🤔 #onted #FireLecce

@waltonmom I think the word “option” is key. I would have been a student who was utterly miserable in a tech course; an A student who probably would fail a construction, welding, auto, etc course. It’s great to have these courses available to students, but I don’t think it should be forced

Thanks @SamiZayn! You made their night! #WWEToronto #SamiZayn

what’s a random line of poetry you say aloud or in ya head from time to time unprovoked?

Late last night, I passed my teenager in the dark hallway and he reached out, tenderly touched my eyebrow, and whispered, “Overplucked in the ‘90s.” I’m dead now.

It’s like Toronto made a bargain with the devil: No snow and the mildest January you ever had, but also no sunlight for weeks.

@CiBabs Short!

Long hair or short hair? Help me.

@Jamiebower Few things are as haunting on Christmas as Krampus! 🖤

Haunt me. X

My mom’s annual “home for the holidays” email to me and my siblings just dropped. An incredibly thorough, detail-rich look ahead at how it’s possible for me to gain 15 lbs in one week.

Self-defence gloves for ladies in 1850’s London.