Sabitlenmiş Tweet
Your spirituality is the most sophisticated ego you’ve ever built (this is why you still suffer):
Spirituality is framed as the dissolution or transcendence of ego.
In practice, it is a later stage of ego development.
Ego = “you” as in the “you” attention points at when asked "who are you?" This is important, remember this.
Spirituality is a shift from identification with external objects to identification with internal ones.
Before spirituality, the ego is fragmented and transient.
You identify with whatever you’re busy with at any given moment:
- your job while working
- your failures while ashamed
- your body while threatened
There is no single, coherent center. The sense of self is not crystallized & shifts constantly completely unnoticed.
Spirituality changes that.
Once you see through biological, demographic, or socioeconomic identity - “I’m not just my job, my history, my personality” - the mind does not stop identifying.
It upgrades the identity to something more abstract, something more inclusive.
This happens in recognizable layers.
At the astral level, the self becomes special, purposeful, and narratively meaningful.
“I’m a Capricorn.”
“I chose this life to grow my soul.”
“I incarnated here to create, teach, relieve suffering, whatever.”
The self is no longer ordinary. It becomes an archetypal story, the hero in the hero's journey.
But the ego can develop one step further.
At the causal level, the self becomes almost impossible to touch.
“I am awareness itself.”
“I am a fragment of God.”
“I am one with everything.”
“I am the space in which everything arises.”
And just like before, this is of course seen as absolute truth, the way it just is.
Feeling triggered yet? Who is triggered?
Here, identity no longer takes the form of a thing.
It becomes every thing.
And because everything includes all possible outcomes, it becomes effectively invulnerable.
Almost nothing can threaten it.
Except, I hope, this article.
This is the final boss.
The ultimate superego.
Don't get me wrong, all this is genuine development, as the ego becomes more coherent, more self-referenced, more resilient, more independent.
You no longer need to be validated by people, external achievements, or possessions. Or later on, even how much you've created or suffering you've relieved.
In summary, you are (= the ego is!!) more mature.
Congratulations, you are now a real boy.
Many symptoms fall away here:
- shame loosens
- social anxiety softens
- fear of judgment decreases
You become more effective, driven, capable, energetic.
But this is just spiritual achievement - positive life changes resulting from a more effective identity structure.
This is not ego death!
It’s the exact opposite of that, spirituality is ego development.
It is the construction of a far more abstract and durable ego.
A superego, built from abstract concepts and non-physical experiences that cannot easily be contradicted because of their transient nature.
See, non-physical experiences are always available — anywhere, anytime — they offer something material identity cannot: stability.
Jobs change. Bodies age. Roles collapse. Status fades.
But “being awareness” remains intact.
Which finally brings us to the point of this post:
While this internalized ego is more refined...
it does nothing to address suffering.
Because suffering does not come from what the ego is identified with.
It comes from the fact of identification itself.
Whether the object is:
- your car
- "the" soul
- or God
As long as there is a “me”, there is falsehood which needs protection, and suffering remains intact.
Worse, the more solid the "me", the more the suffering.
This is why spiritual people are so often intensely seeking - more so than anyone else.
Teachers. Knowledge. Traditions. Practices. Retreats. Substances. Methods. Healing modalities. Models. Ceremonies. The Tarot. Astrology. Communities. Meaning. Creating.
They call this growth, healing, development, or fulfilling their soul’s mission.
But the question is simple:
WHO is healing?
WHO is developing?
WHO is trying to get somewhere else?
If something needs to improve, something must be lacking.
If something must be healed, something must be wrong.
And whatever that “something” is — it is still being assumed to be you.
The more you've sought, the more you've failed to decrease suffering, the more you lose hope, the more you suffer.
Eventually, possibly more than anyone.
Another pattern can emerge here (if you’re already past trying, then you’re probably here):
Some spiritual egos, traumatized by their failures to end suffering, become so organized around transcendence that they turn into David Goggins-esque soldiers.
Not to end suffering — but to prove they are beyond it.
They endure.
They tolerate.
They “sit with” pain.
They smile through it.
Sometimes figuratively.
Sometimes literally.
This is taken as mastery.
But growing thick skin is not the same as the absence of suffering.
There is still something being endured, and someone enduring it.
WHO is enduring it?
Only now, skilful suffering is framed as virtue.
The Buddha did say “Life is suffering”, right?
It's insane that the ego would rather set the body on fire than give up it's position. Why else would he do it? To prove he's enlightened? WHO IS ENLIGHTENED?
The spiritual ego has an interesting relationship with death.
As the story goes, a person who has transcended the ego is no longer afraid of death.
Fear of death is taken as proof of attachment.
Peace with death as proof of realization.
The spiritual person has the perfect mental acrobatics for this.
They can imagine “death” and feel calm & take this as evidence that something fundamental has been resolved.
But look carefully at what is actually being imagined.
The assumption is always the same:
The external world - achievements, body, sense experience - goes.
The inner world - the sense of “I am.” - remains.
Basically, death is just a change of scenery.
The ultimate DMT trip.
Isn’t this just the most perfect denial of death? That there’s no such thing?
Oh my god, how is it death if you still think that you are. HUH?!
They don’t recognize that what they’re describing is more life.
In fact, they are so attached to their sense of self, so afraid of real death, that they create a whole world, call it afterlife, & frantically cling to it.
Death means the end of “you”. Literally. And you WILL die. Not in this beautiful paradisy way. No, completely and totally. I guarantee it.
Truly consider this possibility.
How does it make you feel? WHO FEELS IT?
Goddammit I need to get myself a stick.
The spiritual ego is largely indifferent to external changes, yet highly reactive when its internal sense of self is challenged.
The defense mechanisms are not always the same physical, overt, or destructive methods as an adolescent ego — as those are seen crude and ineffective.
Instead, the defense becomes psychologically and socially skillful.
Rather than aggression, there is:
- reframing: the death thing I just described
- spiritual bypassing: “I don’t need your vibes.”
- and, most deceptively, allowing: "You’re free to believe whatever you want. I know my truth. I still love you.”
These aren’t neutral responses.
They are boundary-setting reactions that preserve identity while appearing open, evolved, or compassionate.
But no communication takes place.
Nothing is actually being allowed.
Nothing is being examined.
The conversation is simply closed from a position that cannot be touched. It’s the perfect, impenetrable armor.
And of course the spiritual person sees this as a sign of virtue, as they no longer get triggered.
The whole act of defense is denied too, as someone who’s transcended the ego doesn’t protect themselves.
It’s an almost perfect self-deception.
Phew, so that's the end of my rant.
Notice what’s happening as you read this.
Do you feel the urge to dismiss it?
To argue with it?
To correct it?
To diagnose me?
To explain why this doesn’t apply to you?
Do you want to scroll, leave a charged comment, or quietly reassure yourself that you’ve already seen all this?
WHO is doing that?
Are you still sure you’ve transcended the ego?
WHO IS SURE OF IT?
Fuck where's my stick.
There truly is an end of suffering. A real one.
An actual end. Poof. No more suffering.
I know because I've broken through and it's gone.
Don't believe me? WHO DOESN'T BELIEVE ME?
But it doesn’t come from becoming better, calmer, wiser, or more okay with pain.
It comes from seeing through the entire identity structure.
Which means seeing through every place the sense of self hides — however spaciousness, luminous, or infinite.
What does that require?
Nothing mystical.
You close your eyes and ask, “Who am I?”
Notice that something appears, an assumed sense of self.
A thought, a feeling, a sense of presence, a witness, a vast openness.
Anything that appears can’t be you.
Why? Because you are, by definition, aware of it.
So WHO is aware of it?
Not this. Not that.
And you do it again and again and again.
Until there is nothing left to point to.
There is even nothing pointing because who is pointing?
And if this whole thing irritated you, triggered you, or made you uncomfortable…
Good.
That reaction is closer to the truth than any belief you could defend.
BECAUSE IT'S YOUR REACTION. WHO ARE YOU?
And you don’t need to agree with a single word here.
Just LOOK!
English
