Jenn Ecks Redux

🚨 JUST IN — IT’S OFFICIAL: Palm Beach International Airport is now Donald J. Trump International Airport, following Gov. Ron DeSantis’ signature on HB919 The name change goes into effect on July 1st. Congrats, 47.

This is so wholesome. 48 years ago today, on the last ever Carol Burnett Show, Tim Conway surprised Carol with her idol, Jimmy Stewart. Her reaction transforms her into a kid again.

Cliff went into Final Jeopardy like he already won the money… and somehow still found a way to fumble it. That’s 80s gold right there. Be honest, you saw it coming?

Make payments directly to the people so they can purchase their own health insurance… ….. checks notes….. FROM THE INSURANCE COMPANIES.

Oxford University researchers have discovered the densest element yet known to science... The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical morass. When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons.