Lucifurious

@gothburz @awe_hell82275 This was a long post, but I read every word. Thank you for your transparency. You are also an above average writer. I was enrapt.

I have three monitors on my desk. The left one shows the order book. The middle one shows Truth Social. The right one shows the investigation queue. On April 21st, the left screen moved first. I am a Senior Surveillance Analyst at a commodities exchange. I have held this position for nineteen years. My job is to monitor trading activity for suspicious patterns and generate compliance reports. I am employee of the quarter. I have a mug. At 19:54 GMT on April 21st, someone placed 4,260 sell orders on Brent crude futures. They did this during post-settlement. The window after the market closes when daily volume is typically in the dozens. Sometimes single digits. Sometimes I watch the screen and nothing happens for forty minutes and I think about whether my daughter is happy. On April 21st, someone placed $430 million in directional bets in 120 seconds during that window. One hundred and twenty seconds. I timed it on my watch because the system clock rounds to the nearest minute and I have found, in nineteen years, that precision matters to no one but me. At 20:10 GMT, the President posted on Truth Social that he was extending the Iran ceasefire. Brent dropped from $100.91 to $96.83. I flagged the trade. I flag a lot of trades. I want to tell you what happens to my flags. My flags go into a system called TRACE. Trade Review and Compliance Evaluation. I did not name it. The system generates a report. The report goes to a committee. The committee has a name I am not allowed to share but I can tell you it meets quarterly and the conference room has a credenza with bottled water that is sparkling because someone once put still water in the room and a managing director sent an email about it that was longer than most of my surveillance reports. The committee reviews my flags. The committee has reviewed all of my flags. Here is the complete record of actions taken on my flags in 2026: Reviewed. That's it. "Reviewed" is a status. In compliance, a status is the absence of an action that has been given a name so it looks like one. Let me show you my flags. March 9th. Someone bet millions on oil falling at 18:29 GMT. Forty-seven minutes later, a CBS reporter posted that the President said the Iran war was "very complete, pretty much." Oil dropped 25%. Forty-seven minutes. I flagged it. March 23rd. Someone sold 5,100 lots of Brent and WTI crude futures between 10:49 and 10:50 GMT. Fourteen minutes later, the President posted on Truth Social about a "COMPLETE AND TOTAL RESOLUTION" to hostilities. Oil dropped 11%. Over 13,000 contracts traded in sixty seconds after the post. Fourteen minutes. I flagged it. April 7th. Someone established a $950 million short position in oil futures at 19:45 GMT. Three hours later, the President declared a two-week ceasefire. Nine hundred and fifty million dollars. I flagged it. April 17th. Someone placed $760 million in bearish bets twenty minutes before Iran's foreign minister confirmed the Strait of Hormuz would reopen. Seven hundred and sixty million. I flagged it. April 21st. The $430 million. Fifteen minutes. I flagged it. That is $2.1 billion in directional oil bets in April alone. Every one of them landed on the correct side of a presidential announcement. Every one of them was placed in a window so narrow you could measure it in bathroom breaks. I flagged every single one. The CFTC chair told a Congressional committee that his organization has "zero tolerance" for fraud and insider trading. I wrote that quote on a Post-it note and stuck it to my right monitor. The one that shows the investigation queue. The investigation queue has not moved since March. Zero tolerance. Zero staff. Zero budget. Zero prosecutions under the STOCK Act since it was signed in 2012. Fourteen years. The law has existed for fourteen years and has been enforced zero times. In compliance, we call that a compliance rate of one hundred percent. No cases filed means no cases lost. You cannot fail an audit you never conduct. We call that excellence. Last month the White House sent an internal email to staff. I was not on the distribution list but I have read reporting on it and I need you to sit with what I am about to say. The email instructed White House staff not to use insider information to place bets on prediction markets. The White House had to send a memo telling its own employees not to insider-trade. I want you to read that sentence again. Not because the instruction was unclear. Because the instruction was necessary. Because someone in the building looked at the same pattern I have been flagging for months on my three monitors and decided the appropriate response was an email. The President's son sits on the advisory board of Kalshi. He is an investor in Polymarket. Both are prediction markets. Both saw accounts created days before U.S. military action. One account. I cannot stop thinking about this account. It was called "Burdensome-Mix." It was created in December. On January 2nd, it placed $32,500 on Venezuela's president being removed from power. On January 3rd, Maduro was seized by U.S. special forces. Burdensome-Mix collected $436,000. Then it changed its username. Then it disappeared. One account is a coincidence. But there were six. Six accounts were created on Polymarket in February. All bet on U.S. strikes on Iran by the 28th. When the President confirmed the strikes, the six accounts collected $1.2 million between them. Five of the six never placed another bet. The sixth went on to correctly predict the ceasefire date and made another $163,000. My surveillance system logged all of this. My system logs everything. My system does not have opinions and neither do I. I generate reports. The reports go to committees. The committees meet quarterly. Between meetings, the windows get shorter and the bets get larger. March 9th: 47 minutes. March 23rd: 14 minutes. April 17th: 20 minutes. April 21st: 15 minutes. The window is compressing. In March, you had time to make coffee between the trade and the announcement. By April, you had time to send a text. By summer, at this rate, the trade and the announcement will be the same event. The spokesman said any implication that administration officials are engaged in insider trading is "baseless and irresponsible reporting." Then the White House sent the email again. I have been in compliance for nineteen years. I have seen insider trading run out of strip mall offices by men who could not spell "derivative." I have seen pump-and-dump schemes coordinated over WhatsApp by people who used their real names. I have seen a man try to manipulate soybean futures from a Panera Bread. I have never seen $2.1 billion in perfectly timed trades across five presidential announcements in a single month go uninvestigated. But I have also never seen a compliance system work this beautifully. Every trade flagged. Every report filed. Every committee briefed. Every quarterly meeting attended. Bottled water: sparkling. Minutes: distributed. Zero prosecutions. As long as the flags go up and the cases don't, my performance review says I am meeting expectations. I am meeting expectations. The system is meeting expectations. The $2.1 billion is meeting expectations. The fourteen-year-old law with zero prosecutions is meeting expectations. The left screen moves. The middle screen moves. The right screen stays perfectly, immaculately still. In my field, we call this price discovery.

@AnotherHomoCon @wave2mj Was is Terry Pratchett who said, “All mushrooms are edible, but some only once.” ?

@stats_feed Auto amputation of 1 1/2 fingers after an arterial puncture that caused a blood clot. Ischemic pain is a special kind of Hell. Look it up.

What's the most pain you have ever experienced?

@NoContextHumans Tesco

Name something the uk has but the US don’t

@stats_feed If you were even remotely, smart, lie. Tell them you’re a doctor or a lawyer, and he will be extremely popular. Also, share your hook up with the big guy.

What are the unspoken rules of prison life?

@ThinkingAtheist I’m afraid my family may be injured as collateral damage by the lightning strikes aimed at me.

@DOGE__news Is this a parody? I can no longer tell. It comes off as trying too hard to parody trans people.

Guy thinks he’s a woman because he bakes brownies for his girlfriend.

@thatwendigoon Is it a recipe you might share? If it’s a family secret, I understand, but when my grandfather died, he took his recipe 😞. He was a baker and made the most exquisite dumplings, but I cannot replicate them. I’m always looking for a new recipe.

Made chicken and Dumplings based on my mom’s recipe tonight. I’m glad she showed me. She’s got years left I hope, but you never know.

@DefiantLs What about her privilege? The privilege to have pre-folded laundry available for her video? I never get pre-folded laundry, I always have to fold my own. At first, I thought this was a monologue from some misogynistic play, she reads it like a bad audition.

“Doctor” who thinks males can give birth makes a video telling women they have “no idea how privileged they are” Disgusting.

@AgathaChocolats I didn’t do it.

In six words or fewer, write a story about this photo. #sixwordstory #WritingCommunity #cats

@dansmywholename I can’t even figure out how to make an em dash. But a colleague of mine said that she was tired and accidentally included one in a paper. She was also using the law of threes a lot. It was way too obvious. I’m so sorry you have to do that.

I’m reviewing a paper that is clearly written by AI. Sigh. 😞

@bluberrybones @PlushieDreadful I received the PICA Bunny for Christmas and I adore it. It came with a little ice cube.

i want these mental health plushies wth😭😭

Shoutout to @Arbys for redefining “fast food” fast to take my money, slow to respond when half my order is missing. Been trying since July 3. Should I send a carrier pigeon next? 🥴 can’t call my local store, their phone is disconnected. Smoke signals?!?

@randydu55280024 @JustineBateman I don’t really think about it much. But occasionally, in the summer, my pants will stick to the back of my legs when I get out of the car, and I am all too aware someone is watching while I’m trying to dance, but not dance, to get them unstuck from the back of my legs.

@JustineBateman Well if you’re not doing anything wrong then most just go about their days.

Based on all the "gotcha" videos over the recent years, is everyone is A-OK with being on camera all the time? Being surveilled all the time? That we should never expect a private moment at all when out of the house? Or in the house? From what Teslas and Waymos are recording inside and outside the car, to street cameras and TSA facial recognition, I don't think you know how hot you've slowly let the water get in the pot. I don't think you understand what it does to your growth as a person to be watched always.

@RadioGenoa 5.3 on the Richter scale? That’s a joke by the way.

What dance is this?

Shoutout to @ArbysCares for redefining “fast food” fast to take my money, slow to respond when half my order is missing. Been trying since July 3. Should I send a carrier pigeon next? 🥴 can’t call my local store, their phone is disconnected. Smoke signals?!?

@spaceghost @_lizharvey We grew up poor. I didn’t eat broccoli until I was in my late teens, no canned or frozen carrots, beets, food from different cultures. As a child I was told I did not like baked potatoes, sour cream, lasagna, or steak. I didn’t have a taco until I was 16, Indian food, 40.

@_lizharvey 1. growing up in a food desert with 1 grocery store 2. growing up poor 3. growing up with a parent who doesn’t know how to cook or doesn’t like to this describes like 60% of rural america

As someone who is from a culture where people dont like food i see the memes like “every culture likes food” and its like… i can tell youre not from rural small town america.

@rejserin @OstinatoRigore4 I read this whole conversation. And I’m having difficulty finding where you gave more examples. I may have missed it, were there more examples?

@OstinatoRigore4 You still pinned it. Honestly, the text is not the thing people see, as the image just pops. For all your good intentions it doesn't work. 🤷‍♀️ Besides, my other points stand.

You accuse me of claiming that all trans-identified people are predators, and of never acknowledging or mentioning that other groups also harbour sex offenders. Me, in the Sunday Times in 2022: 'Sex offenders have historically been found amongst social workers, teachers, priests, doctors, babysitters, school caretakers, celebrities and charity fundraisers, yet no matter how often the scandals break, the lesson appears never to be learned: it is dangerous to assert that any category of people deserves a blanket presumption of innocence.' Me on X in 2025: 'Doctors, social workers, youth leaders, babysitters, priests, teachers, charity workers, cuddly celebrities: yes, sexual predators might lurk in those professions/roles, but they’d definitely NEVER identify as women and we’re crazy for thinking that happens.' You: "you will not do this (admit that different types of people are trans-identified) for the tiny minority of people who suffer from gender identity disorders. You do not distinguish between them and the predators that hide amongst them in your narratives…" Me on my website, jkrowling.com, 2020: 'The writings of young trans men reveal a group of notably sensitive and clever people.  The more of their accounts of gender dysphoria I’ve read, with their insightful descriptions of anxiety, dissociation, eating disorders, self-harm and self-hatred, the more I’ve wondered whether, if I’d been born 30 years later, I too might have tried to transition.' Me in the Sunday Times, 2022: 'This shouldn’t need saying, but in the current climate, it does: literally no feminist I’ve ever met claims all trans women are predators, any more than we believe that all men are predators. As I’ve already stated publicly, I believe that some trans people are truly vulnerable.' Me on X, 2024: 'Some people feel strongly that they should have been, or wish to be seen as, the sex class into which they weren't born. Gender dysphoria is a real and very painful condition and I feel nothing but sympathy for anyone who suffers from it. I want them to be free to dress and present themselves however they like and I want them to have exactly the same rights as every other citizen regarding housing, employment and personal safety.' You begin by denying that trans activists deflect from the trans movement's predator problem by claiming those naming the problem are evil. You conclude by telling me that what I'm saying is evil. Thank you for so perfectly proving my point.

@Starluck40 @starsleeps I think this may have been written by a hungry pelican.

Are there any other images like this

@Tracyp51 @Bubblebathgirl @atrupar But they also wouldn’t return the money because they didn’t want states they didn’t “ have the same values” use it in case of emergency. They also said the locals knew what to do, (literal phone tree) it’s just the tourists who don’t.

@Bubblebathgirl @atrupar They already had talks about a siren system but refused to pay for it, because they didn't want to use safety money authorised by Biden.

REPORTER: What do you do next time to make sure people are alerted if they're dead asleep? Maybe a siren system? TRUMP: Yeah. You'll probably have to do that. You'll probably come up with something very unique, because there's no system right now. A thing like this has never happened.