Carson

Got worried about losing Twitter material when I'm no longer pregnant, then realized I'm literally giving birth to endless Twitter material.

@mattereschke Before or after brushing?

I floss every night AMA

@brooklynROFL Ok wowww sold. Do you just take a pill before bedtime?

@brooklynROFL Tell me more. I’m melatonin gang and starting to think it’s not worth the nightmares.

@brooklynROFL I’ll be honest, I zoomed. (Still looks good)

@ncktmrly We talkin’ LA Rosecrans?

The McDonalds on Rosecrans Ave 🔥💯

@cmacmitch Baby doesn’t drop till the album does.

@niiiigel @VolvoCarUSA Ok humble brag!!!

Mayo. Garlic aioli.

@brooklynrofl Normalize this.

@stephen_walter I’ve tried to understand this multiple different times.

@MegMorleyWalter Any real friend would know that you would never use that many exclamation points OR question marks.

Someone copied my Venmo profile and is sending my contacts requests for money. Venmo can’t tell me to whom and if they’ll get their money back. At least one of my friends sent money. I am MAD

@jessesem I mean if you look at it a certain way...yeah. Sleeping under all those fluorescent lights?? No thanks. Prob could use a bunch of coupons though.

@CarsonMck Bad bed & breakfast?

@brooklynrofl Oooooo babyyyy

@taybrettl 👀

@mattereschke 😐

Vac scene

@mnmnadams We’ve been using the drive-thru at the VA hospital lot and they usually have openings. Reserve your appt on the curative site.

Husband sees color for the first time! Surprised my colorblind husband with the glasses for his BIRTHDAY!!!

@keywilliamss We moved out of NYC @ 5am & when I went to drop the key I realized the office was right next to Levain bakery. 1 of the bakers was out smoking & I mentioned how I wished it open so I could get 1 last🍪. Said give me 1 sec and came back out w/a bag full for our cross-country drive

Ladies, what's the kindest thing a man that you were NOT romantically involved with has done for you? SN: NOT a relative.

@ehbaier Right? This felt personally offensive.

@DewdropW @MegMorleyWalter Gotta disagree with you here, pal. Any good Instagram husband knows the importance of hitting them angles and Stephen nailed it here.

@MegMorleyWalter Tell Stephen to bring the phone down to a human height for once

Still anxious. Better try again.