Buyside Scum

@NickNemo17 How does a tldr need a tldr?

TLDR: I am a recovering alcoholic with no fund, no credentials, and no lobbyist. I rebuilt myself from nothing. Then I broke into finance with no degree, no pedigree, and no permission. I parsed SEC filings for a $31.5 billion private credit fund called Cliffwater. Not because anyone asked me to. Because nobody else would. The filings are public, but they are buried in footnotes that are not indexed, not searchable, and not structured for analysis. I have been told by fund managers that nobody even attempts this. Billions of dollars in pension capital, and the people who manage money for a living do not bother to read the filings. So I read them. Every loan. Every amendment. Every semi-annual PIK disclosure. 2,330 positions. I hand-researched fifty. I found 189 loans where borrowers are paying interest with more debt instead of cash. I found over 50 loans that are not generating enough cash to service their debt at all — carried at par on the books of a fund that has never reported a losing month in 41 months. The fund's Sharpe ratio is 3.75. Bernie Madoff — who was fabricating returns and could pick any number he wanted — ran a 3.5. He got caught because the numbers were too smooth by Markopolos. The greatest quant fund in history, Renaissance Technologies, runs a five or six. Cliffwater is claiming risk-adjusted returns that would be impossible even if you insider-traded with perfect information every single time, because the volatility of the underlying markets would still prevent it. Nobody asked questions. Bloomberg confirmed 14% redemptions 48 hours after I published. S&P cut the fund's outlook to negative this week. Cash on hand fell 76% in six months. This is not an isolated fund. This is the structure. $9.4 trillion in private equity. $3.5 trillion in private credit. They all pay their own valuation agents. The valuation agents decide what the funds are worth. No valuation agent has ever been fired for saying the number was too high. The marks produce the NAV. The NAV produces the fees. The fees come from pensions. The pensions come from firefighters and teachers and nurses in Oregon and California and Illinois who will never read a private placement memorandum in their lives. Wall Street ran out of rich people. The endowments were full. The sovereign wealth funds were tapped. So they went downstream — to 401(k)s, to retirement accounts, to interval funds sold to people who have no idea what they own. 1. Direct the SEC and FSOC to examine Level 3 fair value practices across interval funds and BDCs. 2. Require that valuation agents be independent of the funds they mark. 3. State publicly that the current self-marking regime creates systemic risk. 4. Mandate position-level mark disclosure for every fund that accepts pension capital. There are two ways this ends. It breaks all at once like 2008 and we fix it. Or it rots slowly like Japan: one fund blows up, six weeks of quiet, another one, and nobody connects it for a decade while a generation of retirees gets destroyed. I am not asking anyone to take my word for it. I am asking them to read the filings. If you know someone in the administration, a regulator, or anyone on a legislative committee, please send this to them. One person learned this from a one-bedroom apartment. Your government can too. The will is what is missing.

“What should I “Lmao bomb those do, George?” towelheads to piss”

@dalibali2 They hate you because your right

These desktop agent startups are probably all zeroes.

@TheSalonDon This would make more sense if the yuan wasn’t just an all around terrible currency compared the dollar (and that is saying something).

I’m shocked how oblivious people are We have no way to open the strait. Iran will keep it closed for months Gas is going over $8.00 SFO to LAX over $2,000 rt Anything that goes on a truck will increase exponentially and inflation will be 50%+ That’s the upside case If Iran is smart they demand all oil is priced in Yuan from now on Petrodollar countries have no choice but to agree or keep getting bombed by Iran US loses reserve currency Now suddenly our debt means something We can’t just print money anymore Either taxes go to 80% or we have to seriously cut the government We’ve never cut the government All major industries and rich people leave Economic downward spiral and likely World War 3 with China/Russia/Iran

@AbudBakri @tbpn @DrCamRx Why GHRH and not just GH?

@tbpn @DrCamRx He’s right. T + GHRH + GLP-1 is the “celeb” stack that’s now available to gen public

Maximus CEO @drcamrx says all the top founders and VCs will be on at least three of the following five compounds within 3-5 years: Testosterone to build muscle, tirzepatide to drop fat, tessamorelin to increase growth hormone and recovery, tadalafil to increase intimacy and blood flow, and oxytocin to reduce stress.

@HighyieldHarry @Polymarket @tryshortcutai @hebbia @JohnnyCrust4 even the high schooler that runs banking slut got the nod over us, are we chopped?

@HighyieldHarry @Polymarket @tryshortcutai @hebbia No invite is crazy

It’s FinMeme March Madness Time. Starting tomorrow, 32 of your favorite finance meme accounts will be facing off to win the crown as the people’s favorite memer. Voting will take place on my page. Presented by @Polymarket @tryshortcutai and @hebbia

@JohnnyCrust4 I hear the public schools there are great

@JohnnyCrust4 Congrats boss

This response an admission. Great racing regulations reward drivers for taking risks and punish drivers for racing conservatively. These current regs do the opposite. The driver that is willing to go faster on the straights, brake later, carry more speed into the corners, accelerate earlier out of a corners or take the more aggressive racing line should be rewarded with on track position and, if they do it consistently, win the Grand Prix. What should not be incentivized: Braking early, not going flat out on the straights, minimal cornering speed or conservative racing lines. What makes racing interesting is risk taking.

If you could read the graphic, you’d know they both had the same energy level and neither driver was using boost/overtake.

I imagine the briefing went like this

Wow another HVAC platform

It’s sad watching this new generation of F1 fans, don’t even know they’re watching manufactured garbage racing.

@HESaBSG They put a first lien on your soul

what is klarna’s collateral on the chipotle bowl i just financed

@Restructuring__ @the_P_God David orr’s burner

People forget how leveraged public investment firms are Blackstone has $1.3 trillion in AUM Assume 10% losses due to private credit default, that is $130 billion of losses Their market cap today? You guessed it, $130 billion Be careful out there

@bedouincap The most productive thing AI's done for most people is give 'em a fancier way to procrastinate. We went from doing nothing to doing nothing at scale.

Hey man I think your 6 sets of 20+ on the ab crunch are good, think we got the abs.

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (2009)

Excellent remaster too

Green Day’s American Idiot