me

@Lord_Sugar This is a Microfiche reader. You’re fired.

Micro fiche reader

@ukboomers What an inspiration you are J&M. Kids these days don’t know they’re born. If they didn’t spend all their money on ipods and segways they could also afford to fly around the world more, possibly even pay for hold luggage.

We've visited 43 countries since retiring. New Zealand is our favourite, we've flown there five times from the UK. You really see how fragile this planet is. We despair watching the kids buy coffee in disposable cups. They say it's only once a week but we know it all adds up. 🇬🇧

@CatherineWest1 Another Labour u-turn

I have listened to the Prime Minister's speech this morning. I welcome the renewed energy and ideas. However, I have reluctantly concluded that this morning’s speech was too little too late.

@GBNews23653867 Latest Waynes World looks shit

🚨Nice to see Richard Tice take his dog when he went to vote #dogsatpollingstations

@TheDailyDraught Add an @BrewDog to it and yes you could be right

Is this the worst selection of beers in the world?

@10_Genman @Chen @Mokson2Larry Yeah, it’s you

@Chen @Mokson2Larry Is it me or ? I did not enjoy it. Boring 🥱

the best 3 minutes of video I've watched this year

My full Paris itinerary!! Save this for your first solo trip or send it to a friend who needs a nudge 🫡 a trip I’ll never forget... 🚂 Eurostar from St Pancras to Paris (honestly the easiest part) 🏨 Checked into The Ritz (a MASSIVE treat) 🚶🏼‍♀️ Strolled past the Elysée Palace (didn’t actually realise until I rewatched this back, hence the confusion on my face lol) 🛍️ Shopped at DM Market and Maison Caillau (both non negotiable visits) 💆🏼‍♀️ Back to the hotel for a massage 🍽️ Dinner at Espadon (book in hand for emotional support, highly recommend this tactic) 💇🏼‍♀️ Blow dry at The Ritz salon (genuinely the best blow dry of my life!!!) 🌿 Morning stroll through Tuileries Garden 🥐 Brunch round one: Truffes Folies 🥪 Brunch round two: Le Moulin De La Vierge (the toastie speaks for itself, I have no regrets) 🚂 Eurostar home just in time for supper with James Also a reminder: you are so much more capable on your own than you think. This trip reminded me of that, and I hope it does the same for you 🤍 📍Drop your suggestions below… where should I go next? Starting to think I might be getting a taste for this.

@ToffTalks Another trip paid for by the early @BrewDog investors your sex pest of a husband recently fucked over. Well done you obnoxious twat.

POV: your husband gets man flu the day before your romantic trip to Paris 🥲 So here I am… checking into The Ritz Paris on my own for 24 hours. My first ever solo trip and I won't lie, I felt all the nerves on the way over. But then… THIS room. 🤍 Come have a look around, and please tell me your thoughts!! Outfit Details: Top - Old @ZARA Shirt - With Nothing Underneath Jeans - @MyCOfHSale Beads - @vintedUK

@AvonandsomerRob Anything by @BrewDog

What's the nastiest pint of beer available in Britain? I'm talking "struggle to get it down" levels of nasty 🤮

@UKLabour April fools

This Labour Government is the most working-class government in the history of the UK.

@primetateHQ Like mens cocks, he could shove it up his arse

Andrew Tate instantly goes off on Aston Martin after realizing his new $1.5M Aston Martin Valhalla doesn’t have a place for the key. 🤯💀 “Who the f*ck works at Aston Martin? How stupid are you f*cking people? Where the f*ck does my key go?” “Who is going to lose their job?”

@Cobratate Hair being a noticeable exception

I have everything that everybody else can’t have.

@Goosey30111568 Is it

Scott Mills Sacked by BBC. What's he done?

@Cobratate Luckily for you - I’m bent as a two bob note Fixed it for you

Your girl doesn’t wanna be with you. She wants to be with me. Because I’m richer and more famous than you are. Luckily for you - I don’t want her.

Scott Mills sacked. Finally. But how many allegations—how many women—had to speak up before the BBC acted? Another case where “personal conduct” becomes a workplace crisis only when it hits the press. Women’s safety in media shouldn’t depend on who gets caught. #r4today

@ColeFusionHQ Bloke called Guy ran over his foot with a lawnmower. From that day forward known as Guymo

British nicknames are an unregulated industry. a 5'6 tradesman called Anthony is professionally known as Shetland Tony. a man who lost an eye is called Keth. a quiet man wore a yellow jumper once and became Mumblebee. what's the best nickname you've ever heard

@London_W4 One of many. Check out Pretty Recent range. prettydecentbeer.co/collections/fr… If you’re ever over East London way check out one of their Taprooms. They are a great independent brewery who started from very humble beginnings and although have grown have stayed true to their values.

In a pub today and this has got to be the greatest name for a beer ever! It’s called “I could get better at T*sco for a quid” Brilliant. For my American audience, Tesco is a very large supermarket chain in Britain.

@ToffTalks All paid for by your cunt of a husband ripping off thousands of honest folk who just wanted his business to succeed. The pair of you are utterly hideous humans.

Day 2 at Cheltenham, here I come. 🫡 The faux fur has entered the chat… Partly for warmth (because it’s chilly out here), partly because I live for anything animal print… Race week really is the one time you can lean into it all, hats, gloves, layers, the lot. But tell me honestly… is it a yes to the faux fur?? Very eager to hear your thoughts today! 🐎

@MbarkCherguia Think it’s called click bait

I’m currently having a blazing argument, please help me settle this once and for all. What is this???

@ToffTalks Like his beer, the mans toxic.

One year married to you. I had a whole fantasy about what marriage would look like since I was about five years old and honestly? What we have is a thousand times better. The life we’ve built is extraordinary - the highs, the lows, all of it. Me and you my love, forever ♾️