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You can whack a home run out of the park. You can hear them cheering. You run the bases knowing it doesn’t mean anything. It won’t make her come back

if I was a baby i would pop out weighing 40 pounds, sing one perfect note, and pass away instantly

"After the Nukes" is a cool minecraft mod pack that adds Fallout to Minecraft Includes power armer, various fallout guns, NPCs, bottle cap trading and more the modpack comes with a survival world where you escape a vault then explore iconic locations from the fallout franchise

Oh are you "sparking up?" Haha, no thanks man none for me, *surfer voice* thats far out though you know what i mean! *Turning and speaking into wrist communicator* Im in over my head. Airstrike my position

͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ 𝗘𝗿𝗿𝗼𝗿 Your account is currently locked due to several reports made on your account for being a fat fucking chud. For more information please contact X Support. ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏

@pedroupland 9990098098098909o0998ii0

Ariana Grande-Butera acting nominations (and wins) for Wicked: For Good. — an ongoing thread 🧵

Ah, well, the thing is, when I said we should "circle back to this in the new year", you have to understand that I genuinely thought this day would never come. I thought holiday forever

[on a first date, dressed like Neo Matrix] what if I told you I forgot my wallet

i think its been impossible for me to be in a healthy relationship ever since i climbed around on that big sexy bee in mario galaxy

i was just hating on anyone last night

The Spotify DJ just played a track of my voice deepfaked admitting to the assassination of multiple journalists and then automatically skipped and I can’t go back

women's spaces are being INVADED by hundreds of thousands of horse archers

There are birders who quietly snap photos of rare birds. And there are birders like me, who kill as many birds as possible without ever learning their names

Don’t worry man we can probably photoshop the deep and enduring sadness out of your eyes later

when you know you rolled Inifinite Poop Glitch off the first wipe so you take your shirt offf, switch your iPhone to Do Not Disturb mode and hit play on Rap Caviar on Spotify #ad

having to pee really puts things into perspective. like ok none of this matters

if you have adhd, lack of executive function may make it hard to complete household chores, keep up with friends, or even make yourself food! luckily, there’s help: with just one pill, you can instead play factorio for 14 straight hours while vibrating at near-audible frequency