Ken

I think I figured out what my last tweet will be: 🦋

This app remained a bird icon on my phone until the very end.

@kenwheeler time to put fear into some turkeys and brighten the smiles of brining buckets and deep fryers

what am i supposed to do now, put up christmas lights or something? pivot to mulled wine?

Jennifer Aniston isn’t aging. Will she ever look like an old lady or will she hit 65 and explode like a dead deer?

S’mores are overrated

I really hate the Dodgers and their fucking Fortnite dance

@bananamelter @goblinodds Better blend it first

what's ur favorite ethnic dish that makes people from other cultures go "uh, ew?" fyi white ppl also have ethnicities, do not look at me with a straight face and tell me that casseroles are okay and normal

@InternetH0F I've always been a fan of someone being a "rat bastard" myself

Caucasian phrases

@kentcdodds I have to break away from the real purpose of this tweet to remark that you've shared a perfect description of Scott

Imagine blocking the Bob Ross of programming

@allcurledup Same. My family just crushed a half-gallon we got at a nearby farm.

@cb_doge "Where do you live?" "Um... I live in Palo Alto"

A conversation between Tesla Optimus bot and a human is the best thing you’ll see on the internet today.

@YoureSoShain Agreed. Revisiting a classic with utter trash degrades the original too.

@YoureSoShain I had no idea what I was watching

@cb_doge Cool, Elon found a way to put the technology behind Turtle Talk with Crush into a sharper image item.

@ChrisGethard Ah, damn. Long live Bonnadooch.

After four years often unhinged discussions on New Jersey, we're winding down the New Jersey Is The World project. We're doing a final show at Smodcastle on 11/23. Gonna be fun! Buy a ticket and come celebrate almost a half decade of Jersey nonsense. eventbrite.com/e/nj-is-the-wo…

@streetseidell @mikeyfuntime Watching this and was like this has to be Streeter. So good.

Written with @mikeyfuntime and Mike DiCenzo

@allcurledup Looks like that farm raised salmon if they didn’t dye it pink

@jayblackisfunny You sure there's no 5G in that cake??

The season’s first attempt at an iced pumpkin crumb cake. I used a weather control machine to grow the pumpkins myself!

Watching a movie from the 90’s and most people have real teeth with flaws.

@kenwheeler Damn. Well, shout out to people like you who put them up because they're cool as shit.

@DJNewStyle prohibitive

ITS TIME.