asparagoid@asparagoid
i learned the most painful lesson of my life about women when i was 45. i was happily married for 8 years. everything was perfect. i was successful, our sex life was getting better and i felt supported in all ways. then, on my 45th birthday, i walked by an ad for an acting class
i immediately remembered how when i was younger i had always dreamed of a life as an actor. if you have followed this page for a while, you will probably understand. i rang the organizer and signed up immediately. the class was every week for 3 months. we did 6 weeks of initial lessons, then we picked roles in a play and committed to 6 weeks of learning and rehearsals
throughout this period, i told my wife i was doing the class, but never told her specific details or rehearsed infront of her. i wanted to surprise her. for her to see my performance at the show and be amazed at how much progress i had made and how fully i immersed myself in the told. i wanted us both to be exploring our passions as human beings, and proud of each other for our success
that’s sadly not what happened
the day of the performance came, my family sat in the audience seats. i was excited, adrenaline flowing, but ready. my character was a man who loses his closest friend in a car crash, and then takes it upon himself to care for the young children left behind by the death to save them from adoption. i can’t say too much more incase it doxxes the performance, which is on youtube. bur for context the emotions of the character ranged from excitement, to shock, to deep grief, to duty and love. on stage in role, i laughed, i cried and i felt genuine care
i felt like i had emptied myself and channeled the character completely. in fact, i didn’t quite understand what had happened, because it felt like the character itself “took over” and i returned only at the end. even in rehearsal, there was the sense that i was “acting”. but during the show, i simply departed and the character took over, only letting me back in at the very end. i was happy. it felt pretty amazing to lose myself in character like that
the shock came at the end after the applause, when i looked at my wife’s face in the audience and saw it oddly glazed over. eyes seemingly looking through me. body rigid. the usual warmth drained out. it was like night and day, from the beginning of the show to the end of it. something happened in her
for 2 weeks, i struggled. she did not squeeze my hand. she did not reciprocate physical contact. she didn’t seem interested in sharing anything she was thinking about. we lay beside each other, her unmoving. she rejected all advances and said “it’s not you, it’s me”. for 2 weeks, my frustration built. where was my wife of 8 years? my incredible life full of love and support? why is it suddenly like we have never even met? how could it have changed so permanently in less than an hour?
i lost it and shouted at her, “tell me what’s wrong?! Come on!” and she quickly broke down, sobbing
She talked softly “I’m sorry, i don’t know why this happened, maybe i will never know — but when you cried on that stage, i felt like all attraction, and maybe love for you, suddenly drained out of me. and i thought it was just in that moment. i thought it was temporary. but it never came back. i don’t know why it happened, you just looked so… weak when you were crying. something shifted inside me, whatever i felt, i don’t seem to feel it. and i hate that it happened, but i can’t force myself to feel otherwise, god knows i have been trying”
my head felt like it was about to explode “but… it was just a character, it was acting…”
she said “i know, trust me, i know that logically. i’ve wrestled with it, but it doesn’t change how i feel. seeing you like that, it just shifted something inside me. it’s not rational, but… it feels like it’s done”
4 month later, we divorced. we never kissed again after the performance. i tried for months, but nothing helped
this is how i came to know the nature of women