Eldris

the whole world in his hands

@fleshsimulator I’ll settle for 3

Once again pitching my "32 Strikes and You're Out" policy. The 32nd time you get arrested, instead of going to jail, they just drag you out into a field and blow you up with dynamite. This would reduce violent crime in the US by a full 5%. If you're unlucky enough that you get wrongfully arrested, not once, not twice, but THIRTY MORE TIMES, you should probably be killed anyway. Bad juju. No thanks

@dumb_express Follow up with “ok fine how often do you play with your pussy”

Yeah alright man I’ll just fucking kill myself then

@BeakMcgee69 Believe it or not you’re in there

Yippee

@rileycollins__ Please find a @cava near you, it is THE BEST tier

My definitive fast food rankings of 2026. *All restaurants are rated from favorite to least favorite within each tier.

@toxichoodboys You can tell from the head no need to ruin your day

Body count debates are cute. But the head count? That’s the real silent killer, bro.

@DhananiZain @AaronWilson_NFL Could have used that info last year before I wasted a draft pick on him

Joe Mixon told former Bengals teammates his career is likely over (via @AaronWilson_NFL)

Jimothy, pspsps

@ppmoloko @shibby3235 @TheInsiderPaper Patriot

@shibby3235 @TheInsiderPaper Nice way of showing you’re a retard that doesn’t understand geopolitics. America operates for America. Hard to comprehend for your low IQ country cow paddy eating shit hole of a country full of dirty Indians. Again put your fires out and fix your country sire.

BREAKING: Trump says the US will destroy a bridge or power plant in Iran each time it shoots at a ship in the Strait of Hormuz.

@DandyGeorgism Smoking on the fucking temples

once in a while the Types of Guy factory does a limited edition original recipe orientalist whiteboy rerelease just to show us they still got it

Guys am I cooking or what

@bronzebust Her brother? Bill Gate

My Italian great-grandma lost her grip on her older brother's hand at Ellis Island, and they literally never saw each other again. Lost in the crowd, gone. No phone numbers, didnt speak much English, poor records. Stuff like that just...happened.

@justintrimble Real and true

@DirectorEldris Timelines can change. I like to stay liquid.

Just placed a limit order for a big chunk of $SPCX at $100.

@DirectorEldris Contract premium is too tiny to matter

@armando56291438 @InTheAssembly Gambler 🫵🫪

@InTheAssembly The day after I sell put on the shit it fucking drops 6% fucking unbelievable

New low for SpaceX $SPCX We all know exactly why this is happening.

@ppmoloko @Breaking911 Patriot

@Breaking911 Gonna be really weird when Israel nationals win the next ten ‘largest’ jackpots

The U.S. Powerball jackpot is going international for the first time, with players outside the United States able to participate beginning with tonight’s drawing.

@KILLTOPARTY So many girls were built like this due to the first version of GMOs hitting the streets They’ve since dialed it down so you don’t see natty cans like this anymore but what a glorious time

It’s 2008. You’ve been talking to the girl you met on MySpace for months. Every night she tells you how much she hates her body. She finally builds up the courage to send you a selfie. You brace for the worst…

@SterlingWest Just stop pulling out and let fate carry the torch

Notable women I’ve dated this year - 20yo college girl - sugar momma who let me drive her Ferrari - hot triathlete - corporate finance baddie But there is still only one I yearn for.