진아

*Cookie Monster voice* Coming out of me cage and me been doing just fine

twitter mutuals to twitter mortal enemies

I don’t care if Chuck Norris is dead. It should’ve happened to me instead.

@VexingVixxen Pretty sure it was shale

@EdgarPoop1 LOL

*watching War Machine* Is that shale? Is that a shale quarry??

In the words of Mark Twain's daughter: "That don't impress me much"

I’m not proud of it, but my first job was standing in the WinnDixie freezer section and yelling “NO!” while slapping the Hungry Man dinner out of the hands of any woman who picked one up

@brandomonium *to the indigenous peoples

Too woke for antiques roadshow… I’m hollerin’ at these white people to return their artifacts

Can’t say “I have to poop” at the office, so I’ve started saying “I’m crowning”

@benedictsred I see blocked accounts when someone I follow replies to them. This is fucking stupid.

@EdgarPoop1 I not only see accounts I’ve blocked in my TL, but I also see accounts that have blocked me. We’re doing great

Why are ads from blocked accounts still showing up on my timeline

not watching the Oscars… has conan played mac and me yet? does haley joel osment have aids?

only a matter of time before they offer citizenship to ice detainees if they volunteer to deploy in iran

A few days ago I was notified that several people reported me for being a fraud account so i’m just waiting for twitter to shut my shit down

@brandomonium 🥹 (she’s actually a demon)

@EdgarPoop1 Awwwwwwwwuhhhh

using a pillow like a human even though she’s a sweet baby angle

I need to pee but I don't deserve to yet